The Beauty in the Break

 

My broken heart

No longer fears the collision of your sword

For you have forced

the rise of mountains

For you have formed

the depth and curves of roads

Designing a personalized compass

Guiding me home 

 
 
 

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Fragility of Yesterday

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*This post might be hard for some to read if you have lost a little one*

This may not be very poetic but it is on my heart and needs to come out, so I am sharing- In the middle of watching a silly clip on you tube,in which the people decided to play a prank, a prank where a woman was pretending to die and the man was on the line with 911, who was walking him through the steps of administering CPR.  Of course the silliness was lost on me and in that instant my heart began to race and my body got hot-I wanted to scream but I just turned over, lying down and letting the pure pain fluster around my body and soul-like a wicked fast hummingbird trapped inside a cage-unable to fly and lose herself against the sky.

In the flicker of the CPR clip my mind had a flashback-and that is the rawness of a flashback-it really is one’s body zapping into another time frame.  I was suddenly standing over my daughters little body, on the phone with the 911 operator who was walking me through how to administer CPR to a baby. I kept yelling at her “It’s not working-she’s not breathing!!” Like the movies false hope I expected her to automatically start breathing again-but that did not happen. I cannot talk too much about it, years later it still literally rips me up inside.  I just really miss her today,I miss her so much. That flashback stopped me in my tracks, moving me  through the fiery faces of the stars and placed my feet above the small beautiful body of my precious baby girl-trying to bring her back to life, still not comprehending that she has gone…

Fragility of Yesterday

My memories come with a price

So I freeze them

My brain is my bartender and I am sayin’

“Put that one on ice”-

Unable to revel in the sweet times

I am frozen, with a fragile heart

and broken bones

Screaming above my daughter

In a flashback

of yesterdays mother

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Sunday Love 

  
 The bang on the drum 

Calls sisters and brothers to

Gather as one 

Vibrations under the feet of children 

Beckons an innocence of movement 

And for too long 

I believed I was not worth any of this 

To be loved 

Was a pipe dream of strangeness 

Yet somehow friends have peeked 

From distant mountains 

Taking my hand to say 

…Sweet sister,

Nothing

…Is impossible! 

  
*Top picture is my sweet son and this piece is based on performing at 2015 World Music Fest. I’ve been so embraced with love. Thank you 

Reality Wednesday 

I hate being hurt by others. No matter how many times it happens, it still hits like it were the first…

When I give my all and it is not enough 

When sadness smokes an insult 

I am overlaid in its puff 

When a promise is betrayed 

I know you let my secret run wild 

My soul burns 

In a tear kindled fire 

My reality…

My heart is not taken seriously 

Again pushed into a corner 

Just my Savior and me