Ancestral Sage


This morning I woke

In an ancestral cage

Passed down and cleansed with grandmothers

White sage

A glowing freedom

A warrior’s song

All the victors have fallen for

And all we have overcome

I swung back and forth

Allowing the tears to come

Grief takes up chapters in our story

As does the peace, awakening and love

Yet today I chant a tear note melody

The wailing of a mother’s fractured heart remedy

I do not feel beautiful

My soul is bowed in a pale shaded woe

And I will rock in this cage

Until grandmothers spirit whispers

…go


Advertisements

Reality Wednesday 

I hate being hurt by others. No matter how many times it happens, it still hits like it were the first…

When I give my all and it is not enough 

When sadness smokes an insult 

I am overlaid in its puff 

When a promise is betrayed 

I know you let my secret run wild 

My soul burns 

In a tear kindled fire 

My reality…

My heart is not taken seriously 

Again pushed into a corner 

Just my Savior and me 

  

The dark of night 

What can I do…
What can I do in this

 …unnerving stillness

The darkness settles over me

Like a mask I hide my face inside it

To howl and weep! 

And I’m not sure where heaven is

Or if they’ve gotten wind of this

The sensitive prick …of a beautiful flower

The prolonged passing …of another hour 

Daylight comes and stings my eyes

Shinning a proof

…I have made it through 

What else can I do? 

 Craddling each breath 

Until the night I receive my gift 

And wake up with you

  

Write about IT

  

Write about the gut wrenching pain

That seeps from stomach to heart
Stain the page 

With the noises causing my brain hurt 

Spinning my mind like a ferris wheel 

And I choose not to look down 

Without a view to admire

Just that terrible circus music

And a scary clown waving his hands 

I stay on…

Falling asleep to wake back up 

And running a marathon in between 

The life that got me here and the one 

I am striving toward 

Write about the sharpest broken heart 

I have ever felt

A heart shared beautifully into another’s reach

A heart now expanding through trauma and grief

Write about how to get through each second

Do whatever you have to do but promise to make it

It will get better

Because our miraculous beings have an amazing capibility to consistently grow stronger 

Become like a child, with a resilient behavior 

Write about all of it

The death-the shock-the sickness

The love-the beauty-the moments that stale from quickness

And how you overcame it 

Write it out and do not forget 

It may seem terrifying now 

Or glorious now

When it changes, and it will

Look back on how you made it

To get to paradise

From the guts of laughter

To stain the paper

That is how we will do it 

  
~for our future generations, we must share how we made it from yesterday, to a better place. -Souldiergirl 

Trickle into Me 

Spinning bottle caps

On everything you forgot
In such a hurry to leave
Now these boxes sit   
like dead company

        Biting my nails    The snail trailing time    

      You didn’t even tell me! …What I did wrong

My heart a bleeding artery      

                    Hanging like the vacant frames nailed into our drywall                                              

Even though the house is gone

Purple circles from no sleep           Are darker than my chestnut eyes 

Eventually I stopped asking           Besides, your ghost never replies

Spinning ballerina in a box            The laborious turn to start again 

Lights slowly seeping in                

The process of a beautiful corpse Growing back her skin

  

Just Me 

 

What is it like…to have you for a mother?

What is it like…to have me for a daughter?

They all tell me I’m special
My daughter in heaven
I tell her that too
But what about you?
How do you do?
Do you wonder about me?
Walking in circles
Pacing in dreams
Wondering 
Always wondering
What is it like…
To have you in my life
An empty room at the end of the night
Blank envelopes
Nothing to write

  

 

Sadness on display 

Sadness on display

Oh my heart, how it breaks 
Swinging like a ball and chain
I suppose this is how you like it 
To see my sadness on display
I will not escape the fire beneath my feet
I choose to take the beating and absorb the pain 
And my eyes hurt from attempts to see something other than deception 
Slumped in the corner, 
the diorama of dissection 
My soul bobs in a sea of weeping 
God himself can’t dull the wailing 
And you ran away 
And you ran so fast
While I screamed at your door 
Until the morning reached four 
I woke as a centerpiece to your game of wicked hope
With mocking fingers pointing
“You should have known”
So my dear, you’ve won 
And here I am, shredded once again
I suppose you’ve been waiting 
For the grand showcase
Another trophy behind glass 
My sadness on display 

Hothouse 



I run down like spilled paint

A sadness encompassed with a dark past

A fragile present gripping an ancient spyglass

Bones through skin hunt and pretend to predict

A future floating stagnant in a forgotten wasteland

 

I heard you tell me it would all pass

A shudder through my tired frame then back

A pallid skinned circus haunt on a round track

Voice empty of reason and scratched

A desert hothouse with the promise blotted out

 

Yet still your words ricochet around my dilapidated heart

An ever present reminder, honor unintended from the start

The blue skies now a cotton lining all white

I close my eyes to yesterday, torching it from memory

My view lacks the distance to hope for more than this night

 

You come around in love with the scandal

And run your hands over its coarse edged lead lines

Slow poison in the blood, something I never understood

Can’t call it love or benevolence, oh no not this

Take it all away and leave me with the emptiness

*By two minds: Johnny and SG 



Red Palms 





The room fills

So dark and heavy
The screams lurk
Absorbed and steady
The second I turn away
You lunge and hit me 
Your hands on my bare back
Slapping so violently
Like everything you have buried
Erupts 
And I’m the bullseye for your mental 
Vomit 
I thought we were past this?
You know what,  I’m so damn sick 
Of looking over my shoulder 
It’s a guess of what to expect 
An apologetic hug or
The rage of your fists. 



The Untold I

IMG_0196

The untold
Sneaks through the rift
Piercing my bones
Some days, sleeping stagnant
And undetermined
Like a windless river
Inside the crevice of my heart
But today
It rages, frenzied like a bull
The untold
Pounds against the locked doors of my soul
Biting its daggers into my pulse
Buried and untold
Piled and packed tight
The routine smile
While the untold cries
And hides
In desolate corners
And forbidden places
Plagued by the essence
Of being ashamed
So muted and untold
Is how
I Remain