recovery

Red Palms 

by Souldiergirl





The room fills

So dark and heavy
The screams lurk
Absorbed and steady
The second I turn away
You lunge and hit me 
Your hands on my bare back
Slapping so violently
Like everything you have buried
Erupts 
And I’m the bullseye for your mental 
Vomit 
I thought we were past this?
You know what,  I’m so damn sick 
Of looking over my shoulder 
It’s a guess of what to expect 
An apologetic hug or
The rage of your fists. 



Ding Dong Darling

by Souldiergirl

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I’ve been gone a long time
From your eyes
Your hawked eyed stare
Nibble and prick away
A heart you knelt down and caged
My wretched escape
The burning flames
Of a tortured mind
Hmm..but you paid no mind
As you lit your match
And left me
Unmanned
I’ve been gone so long
Trained up and rising
Now I am back
Darling
The scare jumps onto your face
Ding dong
I’m at your gate
My chained remains
You don’t bother hiding
Come now and say hello
It will only burn
A little

Numb,darling…Numb

by Souldiergirl

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I am so numb
From how you’ve used my heart as a pin cushion
Digging down and pushing in
Telling me your sewing
Promising your fixing
Then why am I bleeding?
-“Oh darling, it’s all in your head you silly thing”
Your charismatic distraction
Enforcing my gaze of attraction
As you sneak the daggers, slicing in
Kidnapping my feathers
And leaving me lurching in pain
Why do I feel this way?
-“Oh darling, it’s just stress, now here can you take my full plate”
My face is aging
The circles under my eyes are raising
Who is this woman in the mirror
I see her, she is staring…
It’s not me
It cannot be
But…I was beautiful and free
From behind my reflection you say
-“Oh darling, have you been smoking again? I can tell just by the lines on your face”
Notes and roses piled up at my door
My heart is confused, exhausted and sore
Making love then labeling me a whore
My hearts been beat so bad
I can’t feel it anymore
I’m not happy
I cannot cry
I do not feel the anger when you offer me a lie
-“Oh darling, darling it’s all in your mind. I love you so much and everything is fine”
Hands dropping all of your plates
I can no longer hold the swelling weight
-“oh darling, why aren’t you eating”
So damn nervous of your shifting emotions
The eggshells have lacerated my feet
I can no longer tip toe around you and your manic needs
All the while my bleeding is being ignored
Your dressing Continue reading “Numb,darling…Numb” →

Mind Cage

by Souldiergirl

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Mind cage

Like snorting glue
I inhaled your every word
Sticky verbs
Clinging to the verge
Of the sweet nothings
Loaded with
Nothing
Your promises
Piecing together my hollow casket
Falling right through
To the abyss of your craziness
Taping gushing knuckles
Fighting my way out
Climbing mountains
From illusionary molehills
Never deserving of your prize
Until you needed me smiling at your side
Ring ring…
No
Not anymore
Spurred up with silver queens
I will feast on self made treats
My cage is now your pen
Barking in your stench and soil
Selling fools gold to the ignorant mind
Poor pretty things
Shackled in your circus strings
I’m moving higher
Freed from the mind cage
Leaving behind a life of chaos
and disaster

High on Anxiety

by Souldiergirl

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My hearts beating so fast

And heavy
Feels like a stone
Thump thump thumping
A pattern of manic beats
Paranoid and ready
Expecting the unexpected
As it happened before
Shock and horror
Barging through the front door
Uninvited
Now those experiences lurk inside me
I evaluate and weigh the probability
Of the monsters life expectancy
It’s like a thrill ride
Without the gravity
A bad dream
When you wake up falling
It’s my memories calling
My intuition warning
Sometimes the mutt hides in the night
And rises with the morning
Terror dripping and weaving
Dissecting every inch of my strung up feelings
My pulse is revved up
And it’s impossible to sleep
Welcome to the night of an insomniac
High on anxiety beats