poems

High on Anxiety

by Souldiergirl

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My hearts beating so fast

And heavy
Feels like a stone
Thump thump thumping
A pattern of manic beats
Paranoid and ready
Expecting the unexpected
As it happened before
Shock and horror
Barging through the front door
Uninvited
Now those experiences lurk inside me
I evaluate and weigh the probability
Of the monsters life expectancy
It’s like a thrill ride
Without the gravity
A bad dream
When you wake up falling
It’s my memories calling
My intuition warning
Sometimes the mutt hides in the night
And rises with the morning
Terror dripping and weaving
Dissecting every inch of my strung up feelings
My pulse is revved up
And it’s impossible to sleep
Welcome to the night of an insomniac
High on anxiety beats

Stages

by Souldiergirl

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Mixed words Mixed looks

Mixed scenarios

I’m in your hooks

Lost pieces Lost souls

Lost lovers

I’m in your pull

Fallen clothes Fallen stars

Fallen parts

I’m in your heart

Locked lips Locked hands

Locked plans

I’m in your command

Promises made Promises teased

Promises empty

I’m in your trapeze

Lies whispered Lies screaming

Lies naked and revealing

You denied You doubted

You put me in the rearview

I’m treasured I’m honored

By an unknown future

So fuck the lies

I’m starting over

My soul is mine again

by Souldiergirl

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Tonight my pain is as deep as the ocean

My sorrow is painted in dark alleyways

My eyes are in dreary disbelief

For my soul is mine again

You have returned it

In many pieces

All over this room

That feels like a endless field

Where I see no end and I yearn for reason

Reasons that will never be mine

They belong to you

You made your choices

And now I make mine too

But first…

I will lay in this field

Gazing at the white world

Fumbling for my heart that got away

Being the darkness, painting my pain

Throughout the alleyways.

Betrayed

by Souldiergirl

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Betrayed

In the worst kind of way

It hurts It stings

It is raw and it bleeds

I would if I could

Cauterize

but the memories claw the wounds open again

like trees hitting the window

In a storm beyond my control

Lies spring eternal

The heartbreak you administered

Is lethal

Oh Doctor Doctor

Tell me what’s the cure…

For this deadly betrayal?

I became the centerfold

For his lies and scandal

Oh Doctor Doctor

Come a little closer

Transform me into more than one can handle

Take these feelings burning my soul

The side effects of betrayals disaster

Burn them into oblivion

And return them to their master

Deux

by Souldiergirl

This summers too much 

A scorching sun I was forced to touch

Blackout winds 
I got lost in the flush 
While you set yourself free
Your broken chains covered me
Endless debris
I search for an elusive peace
But all I see are crowded streets 
I’m soaked in shrouds of blue
Scribbling outside the lines we use to see through 
I gave up hope to the almighty
My life in his hands to live if He lets me
Otherwise I’m tied in these binds
With steel cut limbs and a heavy mind 
Soaked in black next to a naive bride 
Bleeding upon her
Wisdom from my torn up pride 
Soon she will run
If she has common sense and a willing hand
Settle into the reality of nightmares
Burn your own flame
Sink into your house of sand 
Let everything that divides you 
Fade away 
And learn to stand