I’ll stay black 

The world of black 

Is all too familiar
Void of life and void of color
I longed to put my brain on autocorrect
So when I thought death
It would translate to love
The pills from all the doctors
My neck cracked in despair
Dripping all my yesterday’s
A constant strangulation of guilts face
They say it’s a process
of trial and error
Plastic bottles
milligrams increased to fire
But now I am a robot
Suited underneath their experiments
Trembling in an aftershock of side effects
My body has not succumb to this
Prick me with a needle
They say it’s progress I can’t feel it!
No…
I don’t think so
You can’t grow happy from capsules
Like the wound is gushing
And instead of digging and fusing
They add bandaid upon bandaid
When I tell them I’m still bleeding…
I find comfort in the sea urchin
Poking to keep me breathing
I’ve been under so long
I navigate the darkness so well
But they hooked me to a fancy gps
Designed to misdirect my hell
You’ve lost your mind,
And we can fix it right up!
No…
I disagree
You see, I didn’t choose this life
This life chose me
And I’d rather conquer my blackness
Then choke on a diluted dream
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Accidental Death

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I sank into the corner

Outside looking in

On my tiny little frame

And the pain it was in

Curled into a slender ball

Head buried into the darkness of my knees

Fetal

Surrounded with cherry colored

Little bottles

All filled with different pills

Prescribed candy from a doctor

We just went out to have some fun

Then one shot of Patron

Stacked into ten

Or more

Maybe we really went to

Kill our pain

With a shot right to the heart

I told her “get me 9-11”

My body was soaked and trembling

Pins and needs pushing

Into my skin that was

Pale and crying

Black eyeliner streaking over white powder

Face of a mime dancer

Naked and cold

She brought me a warm blanket

My body one with the floor

Not feeling well herself

Yet knowing I was worse

She knelt down

And softly said

“shh, you’re ok”

As she calmed my withdrawn body

Massaging my feet and my legs

My angel knew just what to do

My heart tremored not as fast

I popped a few random pills

Begging for the pain to pass

I started thinking of people like

Amy Whinehouse and Heath Ledger

I started thinking of people

Like my only brother

Is this what it is like?

To accidently die

You can’t even count the pills

You’re just praying for sleep

And the pain to subside

I believe I was saved

By the angel at my feet

Because I could of sworn my spirit was dying

When I was only meaning to sleep