My Yesterday

by SouldiergirlApril 21, 2015April 21, 2015

Did you ever even see me?
Did you ever even know?
you never asked
always seemed bored
distracted with fancies
passing glances
…behind your glasses
you never sought my gaze
I’m screaming!
…you’re turning the page
magazines and the tele
all you would rather be
not with me
not with me
wonder why you ever said “I do”
white seams split in lieu
…of the vows you promptly outgrew
steel knife through warm skin
tying laces on broken limbs
what a mess!
and you began to stew
and you began to feud knuckles swell with synovial rage
bang bang! …your beautiful punching bag
swings and hangs
they rescued me
…you never changed
your unwrapped fists
devoured promises
suffocating in between
…sullen layers of sunken skin.

Absence

by SouldiergirlApril 4, 2015April 4, 2015

I listen to the silence
Where laughter used to be
As the record spins
Absent bodies move further from me
Elation only ever comes in moments
Then it runs away
I can hear the sobbing
Where the church bells use to sing
And I can hear the bullets rip out
As they hit me one by one
Death trails joy
No longer a fair trade
A treasure worn
Then locked and submerged to her grave
My heart sags on a torn sleeve
The ripples so heavy on the surface
Camouflage the rocks sleeping underneath us
If I could hop on the dragons back
I’d fly away
But the camels thirsting in the desert
And I think he’s lost his way

Written: 5~23~2013

Bonds and Barricades

by SouldiergirlFebruary 21, 2015

Bonds and Barricades
Formatted between us
As we swing inside our separate cages
Battling the internal wars that wage
Splicing the dice that has been thrown
For once in our favor
Yet we dissect it at every angle
Our first instinct of behavior
For so long we’ve lived as solo survivors
Then one day
We happened upon each other
I stumbled into your homegrown auxiliary shelter
Buried in the whiteness of winter
Stuck like snow
Addicted to your bones
Fickle fears feed our minds
So engaged, yet wounded from a past life
Of feeling estranged
Loners in a land of evidence
Losing the facts within our own hands
Accustomed to the give and sway
Attached to being left in the fray
I’m longing to dive from my cage
I’m longing to come with you and stay
If our scar tissue is all that remains
Let us blend this resistance
Before we kiss the grave

Ding Dong Darling

by SouldiergirlFebruary 21, 2015

I’ve been gone a long time
From your eyes
Your hawked eyed stare
Nibble and prick away
A heart you knelt down and caged
My wretched escape
The burning flames
Of a tortured mind
Hmm..but you paid no mind
As you lit your match
And left me
Unmanned
I’ve been gone so long
Trained up and rising
Now I am back
Darling
The scare jumps onto your face
Ding dong
I’m at your gate
My chained remains
You don’t bother hiding
Come now and say hello
It will only burn
A little

Numb,darling…Numb

by SouldiergirlFebruary 19, 2015

I am so numb
From how you’ve used my heart as a pin cushion
Digging down and pushing in
Telling me your sewing
Promising your fixing
Then why am I bleeding?
-“Oh darling, it’s all in your head you silly thing”
Your charismatic distraction
Enforcing my gaze of attraction
As you sneak the daggers, slicing in
Kidnapping my feathers
And leaving me lurching in pain
Why do I feel this way?
-“Oh darling, it’s just stress, now here can you take my full plate”
My face is aging
The circles under my eyes are raising
Who is this woman in the mirror
I see her, she is staring…
It’s not me
It cannot be
But…I was beautiful and free
From behind my reflection you say
-“Oh darling, have you been smoking again? I can tell just by the lines on your face”
Notes and roses piled up at my door
My heart is confused, exhausted and sore
Making love then labeling me a whore
My hearts been beat so bad
I can’t feel it anymore
I’m not happy
I cannot cry
I do not feel the anger when you offer me a lie
-“Oh darling, darling it’s all in your mind. I love you so much and everything is fine”
Hands dropping all of your plates
I can no longer hold the swelling weight
-“oh darling, why aren’t you eating”
So damn nervous of your shifting emotions
The eggshells have lacerated my feet
I can no longer tip toe around you and your manic needs
All the while my bleeding is being ignored
Your dressing Continue reading “Numb,darling…Numb” →

Mind Cage

by SouldiergirlFebruary 18, 2015

Mind cage

Like snorting glue
I inhaled your every word
Sticky verbs
Clinging to the verge
Of the sweet nothings
Loaded with
Nothing
Your promises
Piecing together my hollow casket
Falling right through
To the abyss of your craziness
Taping gushing knuckles
Fighting my way out
Climbing mountains
From illusionary molehills
Never deserving of your prize
Until you needed me smiling at your side
Ring ring…
No
Not anymore
Spurred up with silver queens
I will feast on self made treats
My cage is now your pen
Barking in your stench and soil
Selling fools gold to the ignorant mind
Poor pretty things
Shackled in your circus strings
I’m moving higher
Freed from the mind cage
Leaving behind a life of chaos
and disaster