Flashback 

 

The eyelids of night close upon

A day wrapped with warmth 
And echoes of children’s play
Inside the moons gleam
I lose myself with intention of sleep
But I am caught up on a turbulent sea
Thrusting me back to a time with thee
Playing and giggling 
Your precious delight 
Cooing and yawning 
Sweetly rockin on my side 
Then the undertow grabs my feet and ankles 
Fighting like a stubborn swine to the dinner table
The waters trap me into a flashback reel…
A little home in the aged country
Mama cooking supper, while baby sleeps 
Her life brings me joy, so I twirl and tweet
…Mama opens the door with beaming heart
To wake up an angelic daughter 
And cradle her in my arms 
Only to find…
A scene I still cannot describe 
A baby not breathing! 
Did Jesus just pass by?
Or Is this just the evil we call
“life”
Her face unmoved!
My visions are pleading 
“Please stop the playback!”
“Please erase this image!”
But the moon is now snoring 
And the tide is pulling back
I wish to cut these lines of gravity!
I wish to extinguish the flashes of back
My ankles slow to be freed 
As I wear that nightmare like a hat
Covering my reddened eyes 
And tucking the returning guilt under my cap 
I am quietly tossed to the welcoming sand
As the sun wakes and stretches 
Greeting the insomnia of land
One two march-one two step 
Again I have not slept 
Fighting with the tug of the flashbacks
To be woken by the sun
The search for my daughter 
I can no longer stand.  
  
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High on Anxiety

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My hearts beating so fast

And heavy
Feels like a stone
Thump thump thumping
A pattern of manic beats
Paranoid and ready
Expecting the unexpected
As it happened before
Shock and horror
Barging through the front door
Uninvited
Now those experiences lurk inside me
I evaluate and weigh the probability
Of the monsters life expectancy
It’s like a thrill ride
Without the gravity
A bad dream
When you wake up falling
It’s my memories calling
My intuition warning
Sometimes the mutt hides in the night
And rises with the morning
Terror dripping and weaving
Dissecting every inch of my strung up feelings
My pulse is revved up
And it’s impossible to sleep
Welcome to the night of an insomniac
High on anxiety beats

Tonight

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Tonight

My vision is full

My quest is whole

My nightmares are sold

To the highest bidder

Now slumped in the corner

Bye bye Daddy

Hello summer

Cigarettes and short skirts

Revenge and social perks

Neglect and boys with quirks

Dust off my books

In my leather maiden suit

Read my palms

And tell me, is it true…

My nightmares began and ended

with you?