Split Decisions 

  

Deep down…waits a soldier
When the spirits color is          …darkened by clutter 
There is a whisper of a warrior
Inevitably followed,however,          …by the curdling call of the taker 
The pull from the straps of ankle biters
The devilish temptation to give in
And let the battle win
Two choices heaving…”child decide!”
He chose…to kill himself
So I could live
I will fight our demons 
I will not quit!
He will be my hero
Leading…                                           From afterlives abyss 


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Moths 

 
Guess I need to get a grip
Guess I need to be harder
Tough like a rock
No storm shall wither 
Straighten up and fly right
Little sister

…All these lies I told myself 
Under the wool of a petticoat
With lace up boots 
and a velvet bow
But the material scratched…
right into my sensitive soul
Revealing the innocence of a naked girl
…With no excuses left for truth
Smiles skip by, unhinged in twos
I don’t need a reminder of 
how deep I miss you…
I watch my feet move 
Attached to another body
I can not feel my heart 
It floats in a transparent jar         
Titled “random art”
The school year has started 
The children dissect it
Unable to revive her                         …they retire exhausted
Make me a project
Alone on a park bench
The coat has blown away 
All that is left
….just me…


  

My Yesterday 

  

Did you ever even see me?
Did you ever even know?
you never asked
always seemed bored
distracted with fancies
passing glances
…behind your glasses
you never sought my gaze
I’m screaming!
…you’re turning the page
magazines and the tele
all you would rather be
not with me
not with me
wonder why you ever said “I do”
white seams split in lieu
…of the vows you promptly outgrew 
steel knife through warm skin
tying laces on broken limbs
what a mess!
and you began to stew
and you began to feud                      knuckles swell with synovial rage
bang bang!                                          …your beautiful punching bag
swings and hangs
they rescued me
…you never changed
your unwrapped fists
devoured promises
suffocating in between
…sullen layers of sunken skin.

  



Sinking into night 

 

I carved out my soul

now i lay naked without my walls
I’ve no one to blame but myself
it is no one’s fault but mine
The ricochet of silly dreams
and backhand of belief
The fruitless hope forcing buds
like me
She’s a damn fighter

The Lord is all I have
I am clinging to Him with my whole being
in this blazing heat I am quivering
Lord I pray for life
that i may not shrink away
show me how you love your daughter
the metaphorical change to wine from water
Rain rubies and diamonds
glimpses into heaven
Misted in perfect falls of love

My eyes are black in this pulseless life
sparks extinguished
the loneliness of night
You did not search
You were already there
waiting with quiet arms
in my blue dreamers chair
I crawled upon your lap
A baby with no tears
unblock these caged emotions
unmute my screaming layers
frozen to cry
this hour I wail
rock me to sleep

Gently closing eyes…                            that weep

  

Choices Made for Us 

  Here we go

Pretty spirits arranged in rows 
Somehow we still end up alone
I would say-
wind me up like a doll
And I’ll spin round and round
Or dance in place
He should get what he paid for
But waiting isn’t what we were made for
Opposite those who die to settle
We aren’t tired
We aren’t tragic
We are alive and awake
We are sewn from magic
Rip off this dress made from velvet
Run into poverty’s hands 
I don’t want your majesty
When I could live in freedom. 

Greetings 

  

 

My words are an island 

My heart is the ocean
I’m an alien alien 
My womb is an eagle
Adorned with her feathers
I’m home again, home again
My feet are barbed wire 
My mind is the protector 
My eyes are an erotic thriller
My brain is the trailer
Where the pitchfork holds the farmer
He’s free again, free again
My tail is a peach 
Plucked from a tree
The atom pierces me, pierces me 
My breasts are a stream 
My lips are preened 
I’m an alien alien  
Transposed in your dream 
The world is on fire and I am its Queen
Perhaps you have wondered
Perhaps you have seen
The streets are foreigners 
And morning 
…is not what it seems  




We were Rockstars once 

  

Sliding down the banister

Your arms waiting
Silly and sinister
The perfect match for your little sister 
One drag at a time  
We’ll figure the rest out together 
Fur coats and sunglasses 
Jovial hearts but we walk like badasses 
I won’t forsake what you started 
At times the grief hurts so bad
I can’t handle it 
I smell your teen spirit 
I scream our favorite songs 
I’m clawing through jungles of traps
Cuz all I hear is 
“Little sis I got your back”
And I know you do
This determination I feel
Imprinted by you
The memories are coming back
The crazy times 
A wild and fearless love 
Dammit that you’re gone
But we were rockstars once 

  
  


Skeletons 

  

Too angry to dress
The platforms I avoid to address
But this rage
shakes my skeleton
Turning me to a different page
Don’t look at me!
Don’t even turn to ask me
I won’t pause for the door keys
My fists pound down the wood
My fists bleed with fury
Like the boundary got crossed
Like the lines that got lost
The flood is rising
Too high for us to cross
Too deep for us to handle
I saw myself
Alone at the bus stop
Where suburbia melts into the ghetto
And I can’t stay cuz I belong there
I ran faster than the wolves there
Some kind of homegrown shelter
I recognize the pain of others
Without words or a disguise
It hardens all over our faces
And we don’t hide it
Our skin is thick with an abrasive truth
Cracking with the melancholy of accomplishment
Adrenaline has me shook again
Left to make sense of a windstorm
Without the comfort of the wind
Stand up and dig in
The rusted smell of a broken swing 
The sting of smiles where we played
Muddy feet and wrung out blankets
Keep me warm again
Distant lies and cold hands
Got me runnin again
Towards a forgotten empowerment 
Bones of a new 

Skeleton


Skyscrapers in the wind 

  

We are skyscrapers in the wind

Forged In the center of a hurricane
Collided as one we bend  
Tell me you love me
Let me feel your hand 
Let our flesh melt into eachother 
As the harpist leads the band
Calmly sinking below sea level
Their music resonates in crystalline bubbles 
We rise faster and faster 
As triumph outruns disaster 
Tell me you love me 
Melt your words into my skin
I can no longer hear the music 
Yet the harp is in my hands 

  

Ink it out! 

  

Art speaks in limitless ways 

The way dancers flock to an open space 
The way brushstrokes externalize a buried rage 
The way a chef sprinkles rosemary and sage 
The way a writer grips to the connection of a page 
Or a stick
Grounded dirt or sand
I once wrote with my fingernail on the shakiness of my panicked palm
Bathroom stalls and park benches 
Sometimes lipstick and a mirror appear heaven gifted 
When my daughter died I scribbled inside my head 
The litter of leftover thoughts
Still murmur like a distant rattling of mamas mixing pots 
Beyond a perfect line, circle or square 
Is my stream of penmanship 
Combating the woo of normalness
I do my best work under the duress of craziness
I wrote on a notepad in a bathtub in a hotel room
They said my brother was dying 
And I didn’t know what the fuck else to do
Punch a nurse or doctor?
The postman of premortem…
My tips ink it out harder 
Sometimes I dance and scream 
Shredding down the walls of my brain
Griefs found me like a ravaging bloodhound
Inside, all is not safe and sound 
But I smile and wave and nod
I am a mother and a lover 
I am a human spirit 
I share grief with the infinity of others
“Let’s talk and sit around in a circle”
but sometimes I spin out!
My Shape… is nameless
A pale face bound by a galaxy of freckles 
The overlapping and intersecting lines
The willpower of a lioness
There are no instructions for madness!
So I use the benefit of pen and paper
To be understood by myself 
and none other.