Happy Now?

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Happy Now?

Are you happy baby?
Pull my strings and weigh me
Cinch the ties and wrap me
Up against the wall
But make sure not to be there when I fall
Broken parts on a stainless floor
Sew your puppet back together
Paint my bruises with some concealer
Add a layer of powder, rouge? Or will you use a bronzer?
Muted until you stitch my lips back on
Dolled up as you please
Lips, eyes, chest, back, knees
Beating me into submission
To feed your anxious demons
Oh isn’t life just grand!
Now my blood decorates your hands
My ugliness is showing again
Stretching and stuffing
Life is pouring out faster than you can put it back in
The quickness of your fingers on that needle
Are you happy now?

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Numb,darling…Numb

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I am so numb
From how you’ve used my heart as a pin cushion
Digging down and pushing in
Telling me your sewing
Promising your fixing
Then why am I bleeding?
-“Oh darling, it’s all in your head you silly thing”
Your charismatic distraction
Enforcing my gaze of attraction
As you sneak the daggers, slicing in
Kidnapping my feathers
And leaving me lurching in pain
Why do I feel this way?
-“Oh darling, it’s just stress, now here can you take my full plate”
My face is aging
The circles under my eyes are raising
Who is this woman in the mirror
I see her, she is staring…
It’s not me
It cannot be
But…I was beautiful and free
From behind my reflection you say
-“Oh darling, have you been smoking again? I can tell just by the lines on your face”
Notes and roses piled up at my door
My heart is confused, exhausted and sore
Making love then labeling me a whore
My hearts been beat so bad
I can’t feel it anymore
I’m not happy
I cannot cry
I do not feel the anger when you offer me a lie
-“Oh darling, darling it’s all in your mind. I love you so much and everything is fine”
Hands dropping all of your plates
I can no longer hold the swelling weight
-“oh darling, why aren’t you eating”
So damn nervous of your shifting emotions
The eggshells have lacerated my feet
I can no longer tip toe around you and your manic needs
All the while my bleeding is being ignored
Your dressing Continue reading “Numb,darling…Numb”

Mind Cage

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Mind cage

Like snorting glue
I inhaled your every word
Sticky verbs
Clinging to the verge
Of the sweet nothings
Loaded with
Nothing
Your promises
Piecing together my hollow casket
Falling right through
To the abyss of your craziness
Taping gushing knuckles
Fighting my way out
Climbing mountains
From illusionary molehills
Never deserving of your prize
Until you needed me smiling at your side
Ring ring…
No
Not anymore
Spurred up with silver queens
I will feast on self made treats
My cage is now your pen
Barking in your stench and soil
Selling fools gold to the ignorant mind
Poor pretty things
Shackled in your circus strings
I’m moving higher
Freed from the mind cage
Leaving behind a life of chaos
and disaster

Slices of a Souldier- the heart

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You escort my heart out
From under me
Massaging and loving
Persuading and wooing
Charming and convincing
Subtlety turning
Toward cowardly convictions
Flatlining the beat you set in motion
Placing it on the pavement
While you disappear
Just for a minute…
Dear…
Seasons pass then reappear
My heart long succumbed
To your dead cold air
Another burnt strand of hair
Another scratch against the mirror
Lest you uncover your ear
Detecting my heart alive and vulnerable
These are the wounds
That etch me into a souldier