Biting Down 

 I’m finding it hard to concentrate 

Thoughts speaking without raising their hands
Raising their voices 
Without being called on
Problems scribbled on the blackboard of my heart 
Lacking a solution for their missing parts
Attempts to steady my shaking hands 
Replacing God where there was once man
I try to sit alone and quiet down
A smile traced on my face 
…They all think she is ok
What if life behaved in an opposite way?
Where we just spoke the truth 
Of how we really were on any given day 
I would say, 
…I am biting down with weak teeth 
I am spitting out these words just to stop the nervous tweaks 
I am holding it all in 
I am under the water, freezing my breath
…becoming the hustler of life’s test
Shadowboxing the unrest 
The hive is loose 
And it is I they seem to choose 
Their stings prick and bleed 
But I bat them off 
With unwavering belief 
I’m fighting being defined a failure 
With scarred fists and a worn out tee shirt 
With the cliche missing 
And my poetry clinging 
Ink down my chest 
Bleeding from my heart 
Rendered into art
To heal myself 
I am tired and I am run down 
Yet there is magic in the forlorn 
I am telling you my real 
I am choking on how it feels
I am the result of what has spilled
…like oil out of a bottle 
I wear the stains of past tomorrow’s 
Yet I still live with two hands up on this roller coaster 
And that would be my truest answer 
If we lived in a world 
Where when we reply with how we are 
” yeah I’m ok”
…was not the standard

Giving healing a Name

My heart is mending today

My eyes, rest behind glasses
…taking their place

My lips swollen from attempting to make sense

of something

…that can never be named

or understood

And that

…is ok

I tugged my heart out and laid it at your feet

…showing you what I need

You shook your head and walked away

God’s whispering to follow this lead

“Please take my stubborn soul and guide me”

…I plead!

Kneeling until I could feel my bones

Carving creations into the pavement

I stood and saw

A butterfly with a halo

…a sign of love from my angel daughter

A dragon with his claws out

…a transferred protection, my brothers mark

An auburn wolf with eyes like mine

…a reflection of my inner courage 

Decorating me like a glittering thesis

The bowtie completing her writing

The endless essay of my life and timing

Words trail me like the train of a wedding dress

Lifting me to redemption from the mess

As the grey erases 

…in the sunshine of significance

I see I am not alone in this!

And you are all standing with me

Smiling

in a circle of opened hands

Releasing

a fluttering wild soul

We are giving healing a name, 

…Freedom

 

Inside a Soul Like Mine~

 

Peeks of reality
Shine through the dreamer in me
Like when the truth is hard to see
Oh how it blinds me!
Like a crystal                                     
and your love the window                  Can’t you feel the heat beating through?                                     Colors cascade in an unforgiving radiance                                    …through time and space                   Stand beside me                              We can paint Gods face                  The planks of ivory                          The worlds open race                         In my mind I am wading in the river. Feet embedded in the pebbles.          It is slow and it is futile                    For the snap of the fingers         

Brings me back to that room       Where time spins a never ending tune No sooner do the ants die             Then they are reborn                             I am running with my paintbrush  …Even though my dress is torn           I will find a way to get through this!      Heaven waits                                    As David sounds his horn 

Ascent

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Ascending

into freedom

I know you want me

Coming in your kingdom

Stretch that lace

Round my neck

Crack that whip

My nails down your…

Hypnotic pulses

Regenerating

A lovers connection

But I am not bound

To my knees

To adorn you

My hands are not tied

skin to skin

To absorb your sin

My mouth is not gagged

Screaming for permission to speak

My words run wild

And I follow their lead

Right out the door

Free

Thief

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…My thief

I know I deserve you

I fought long and hard

clawed and marred

Through death and a beaten heart

Through malicious lies in front of

Innocent eyes torn apart

I feel you coming

The blood dances

through my veins surging

I feel you close

You submit my intuition

I don’t need you to save me

Just steal my mind

Pump your words powdered with

Poetic ammunition

Revive my inspiration

I don’t need you to say

“baby it’s all gonna be ok”

Just steal me from my bed

Carry me into the rain

Pull me by my braids

To a dark and soaking place

I don’t need you to fix my past

Just steal my future

End your night into my day

Your mouth stealing pleasure

After me like a vulcher

I feel you coming closer

Postured and on the hunt

Ridding my doorway of

The wolf in sheep’s clothing

My relentless thief

A stolen invitation

Criminal

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Mugshots

Patterned against my white walls like

The gunshots

You patterned into my permeable soul

Behaving like such a hotshot

When I’m the one who harpooned you

With one shot

Lovers in lust couldn’t stop

Until you belittled me with

Lies and small talk

Clarity leaked out and

Pushed me on top

Packing all of our memories in a box

I used to think they were pictures

But now I see it plainly

A criminal and his mugshots

My soul is mine again

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Tonight my pain is as deep as the ocean

My sorrow is painted in dark alleyways

My eyes are in dreary disbelief

For my soul is mine again

You have returned it

In many pieces

All over this room

That feels like a endless field

Where I see no end and I yearn for reason

Reasons that will never be mine

They belong to you

You made your choices

And now I make mine too

But first…

I will lay in this field

Gazing at the white world

Fumbling for my heart that got away

Being the darkness, painting my pain

Throughout the alleyways.

Betrayed

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Betrayed

In the worst kind of way

It hurts It stings

It is raw and it bleeds

I would if I could

Cauterize

but the memories claw the wounds open again

like trees hitting the window

In a storm beyond my control

Lies spring eternal

The heartbreak you administered

Is lethal

Oh Doctor Doctor

Tell me what’s the cure…

For this deadly betrayal?

I became the centerfold

For his lies and scandal

Oh Doctor Doctor

Come a little closer

Transform me into more than one can handle

Take these feelings burning my soul

The side effects of betrayals disaster

Burn them into oblivion

And return them to their master

Before my morning mug

Before my morning mug

The annoyance of irony 

The drag of being alive today
The uncomfortable heaviness all over me 
The only comfort is being with you
But then again eventually you will leave too
The constant pang of the bitter truth
The way we can’t change the history of our roots 
The way the pain clings like a million knives 
The way they back stab and don’t bother to lie 
Sometimes I wish they would 
Just tell me that life is going to be grand 
That I was worth the sacrifice 
That I was worth not the wait
But worth it today
And today would feel great
As you slide the knives further in 
Under the guise of promises and a tailor made grin.