darkness

I’ll stay black 

by Souldiergirl

The world of black 

Is all too familiar
Void of life and void of color
I longed to put my brain on autocorrect
So when I thought death
It would translate to love
The pills from all the doctors
My neck cracked in despair
Dripping all my yesterday’s
A constant strangulation of guilts face
They say it’s a process
of trial and error
Plastic bottles
milligrams increased to fire
But now I am a robot
Suited underneath their experiments
Trembling in an aftershock of side effects
My body has not succumb to this
Prick me with a needle
They say it’s progress I can’t feel it!
No…
I don’t think so
You can’t grow happy from capsules
Like the wound is gushing
And instead of digging and fusing
They add bandaid upon bandaid
When I tell them I’m still bleeding…
I find comfort in the sea urchin
Poking to keep me breathing
I’ve been under so long
I navigate the darkness so well
But they hooked me to a fancy gps
Designed to misdirect my hell
You’ve lost your mind,
And we can fix it right up!
No…
I disagree
You see, I didn’t choose this life
This life chose me
And I’d rather conquer my blackness
Then choke on a diluted dream

Avalanche

by Souldiergirl



I cannot talk 

There is an avalanche in my throat
It is a raging storm 
Pleading an exit of eruption
I cannot run
I am chain linked to this entity
I may not pour out every sickness
That runs through my veins
And colors my eyes
But God views
The lacerated and the bruised
While you turn the lights out
And tac yourself to a frame in the wall
I am chucked into the light
With the radiation ssssting
Of a pulse so terrified she’s stuttering 
The avalanche is booming 
God will not make his move
The demons crawl and lurk 
Why on earth
Would you choose to sprint with them 
With a back turned
As I burn under the damned 

The Untold I

by Souldiergirl

IMG_0196

The untold
Sneaks through the rift
Piercing my bones
Some days, sleeping stagnant
And undetermined
Like a windless river
Inside the crevice of my heart
But today
It rages, frenzied like a bull
The untold
Pounds against the locked doors of my soul
Biting its daggers into my pulse
Buried and untold
Piled and packed tight
The routine smile
While the untold cries
And hides
In desolate corners
And forbidden places
Plagued by the essence
Of being ashamed
So muted and untold
Is how
I Remain

Spyder

by Souldiergirl

spyder

Lurking in the shadows
Like a creep
Patiently waiting
For me to slip
Dripping venom from your teeth
Desiring to put my blood to sleep
Hairs rising up
In the cut of your abdomen
Praying for sick wishes
Praying for a falling victim
To feast upon the wrists
Where you once hid
Pitch black secrets
Now bandaged in pain
The kill fills you up again
Crawling faster little spyder
I see your cobwebs
Filling my corners
The prince of darkness
Now dethroned
To the smallness of a spyder
Bound to be
blood against my walls

My soul is mine again

by Souldiergirl

IMG_4987 (2) - Copy

Tonight my pain is as deep as the ocean

My sorrow is painted in dark alleyways

My eyes are in dreary disbelief

For my soul is mine again

You have returned it

In many pieces

All over this room

That feels like a endless field

Where I see no end and I yearn for reason

Reasons that will never be mine

They belong to you

You made your choices

And now I make mine too

But first…

I will lay in this field

Gazing at the white world

Fumbling for my heart that got away

Being the darkness, painting my pain

Throughout the alleyways.