beauty

I celebrate my tears 

by Souldiergirl

  
I celebrate my tears

For the little girl who was put in the corner

With the hypnotic sway of the pointing finger 

“Don’t you dare cry” 

Over and over

…like a lullaby 

I celebrate my tears 

For the years of pushing them down

To a dungeon I forgot about

Because

“Tears are a sign of weakness”

So I smiled harder and forced them into secret 

I celebrate my tears 

Because when my baby died

Everyone was allowed to lose their minds 

Except me 

I was positioned to remain 

“Nice and neat”

And keep tears hidden 

In between the sheets

When he is passed out asleep

In the shower for hours screaming

As long as no one was home 

…to listen 

I celebrate my tears because the

Chains are being broken 

And my tears are the ones seeking their freedom!

They run down my cheeks 

In an overzealous reaction 

They stream out proudly!

My tears are speaking loudly 

In pure love and acceptance 

Not the misnomer of weakness 

I celebrate my tears

In all their beautiful radiance 

because…

My tears, unleash the story 

…of my spirit!

I celebrate my tears  

  

Ancestral Sage

by Souldiergirl


This morning I woke

In an ancestral cage

Passed down and cleansed with grandmothers

White sage

A glowing freedom

A warrior’s song

All the victors have fallen for

And all we have overcome

I swung back and forth

Allowing the tears to come

Grief takes up chapters in our story

As does the peace, awakening and love

Yet today I chant a tear note melody

The wailing of a mother’s fractured heart remedy

I do not feel beautiful

My soul is bowed in a pale shaded woe

And I will rock in this cage

Until grandmothers spirit whispers

…go


Secrets of Leaves 

by Souldiergirl

IMG_2161

The last leaf of fall

Settled at my back door

Whispering secrets of the coming spring

So I folded it

Into the safety of a golden locket

….When the night arrives to me

Coated in a chill of melancholy

I pink inside a patient heart to see

The hush of a pale sunlight

The prick of a honey bee

The song sung by kissing trees

The promise of better days

Hidden whispers

Revive me

Then gently tuck away

forest 1

 

 

Ink it out! 

by Souldiergirl

  

Art speaks in limitless ways 

The way dancers flock to an open space 
The way brushstrokes externalize a buried rage 
The way a chef sprinkles rosemary and sage 
The way a writer grips to the connection of a page 
Or a stick
Grounded dirt or sand
I once wrote with my fingernail on the shakiness of my panicked palm
Bathroom stalls and park benches 
Sometimes lipstick and a mirror appear heaven gifted 
When my daughter died I scribbled inside my head 
The litter of leftover thoughts
Still murmur like a distant rattling of mamas mixing pots 
Beyond a perfect line, circle or square 
Is my stream of penmanship 
Combating the woo of normalness
I do my best work under the duress of craziness
I wrote on a notepad in a bathtub in a hotel room
They said my brother was dying 
And I didn’t know what the fuck else to do
Punch a nurse or doctor?
The postman of premortem…
My tips ink it out harder 
Sometimes I dance and scream 
Shredding down the walls of my brain
Griefs found me like a ravaging bloodhound
Inside, all is not safe and sound 
But I smile and wave and nod
I am a mother and a lover 
I am a human spirit 
I share grief with the infinity of others
“Let’s talk and sit around in a circle”
but sometimes I spin out!
My Shape… is nameless
A pale face bound by a galaxy of freckles 
The overlapping and intersecting lines
The willpower of a lioness
There are no instructions for madness!
So I use the benefit of pen and paper
To be understood by myself 
and none other.



 

Never let go 

by Souldiergirl



Mile upon mile 
My love piggybacks on a twisting spiral 
An essence through the atmosphere 
Scattering shades from heaven 
Angelic tunes tinted with euphoric blue
Watercoloring your morning horizon
I want you to know where I stand 
No matter the gaps of earthly space 
That climb and stretch in between 
The physical us
May you hear my voice spilling upon you
The truth is I am right there
The flower in your palm
The breeze licking your skin
I have never let go
Since the moment we began 


Blackbird

by Souldiergirl

IMG_0093

Blackbird
Your sweet soul
Is seeping through
Filling my pale skin
With broken dreams
Incapable of a remedy
Yet my soft hands run wild
With your untamed melody
To bring you a new beauty
Blowing abrasions to the wind
Settling your scars
With my pure kiss
Blackbird
You may fearfully fly
Away
Yet I will be here waiting
With loves compassion
Throughout the night
And all my days