Saving my Place

Why don’t you ever listen

When I shout?

With both

Palms out

No one came

So

I saved

Myself

🖤

I have learned to stand when all I wanted was to fall. I have learned the intense pain of growth.

When I did not think I could make it alone, I dug in with claws like shovels.

I forged new roots and though I still often tumble… my heart knows the fears I have conquered.

And each day, fast or slow, I continue to move forward..

Our stories, our healing, our falling, our growing

Our individual rocks

Continuing to form our unique foundations.

❤all my love and gratitude to each one of you❤

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See Through Soul

In between the grey

There are moments

Of your sun

Melting down

…my walls

Showing off

…my soul

Leaving our eyes

Opened and exposed

I tremble with

A birthed recognition

…your hand curled into mine

Is this what

Safe

Feels like

In between the grey

A scorching healing

Takes me

To my knees

In a pocket of time

Hardened walls

…Finally cry

I celebrate my tears 

  
I celebrate my tears

For the little girl who was put in the corner

With the hypnotic sway of the pointing finger 

“Don’t you dare cry” 

Over and over

…like a lullaby 

I celebrate my tears 

For the years of pushing them down

To a dungeon I forgot about

Because

“Tears are a sign of weakness”

So I smiled harder and forced them into secret 

I celebrate my tears 

Because when my baby died

Everyone was allowed to lose their minds 

Except me 

I was positioned to remain 

“Nice and neat”

And keep tears hidden 

In between the sheets

When he is passed out asleep

In the shower for hours screaming

As long as no one was home 

…to listen 

I celebrate my tears because the

Chains are being broken 

And my tears are the ones seeking their freedom!

They run down my cheeks 

In an overzealous reaction 

They stream out proudly!

My tears are speaking loudly 

In pure love and acceptance 

Not the misnomer of weakness 

I celebrate my tears

In all their beautiful radiance 

because…

My tears, unleash the story 

…of my spirit!

I celebrate my tears  

  

Inside a Soul Like Mine~

 

Peeks of reality
Shine through the dreamer in me
Like when the truth is hard to see
Oh how it blinds me!
Like a crystal                                     
and your love the window                  Can’t you feel the heat beating through?                                     Colors cascade in an unforgiving radiance                                    …through time and space                   Stand beside me                              We can paint Gods face                  The planks of ivory                          The worlds open race                         In my mind I am wading in the river. Feet embedded in the pebbles.          It is slow and it is futile                    For the snap of the fingers         

Brings me back to that room       Where time spins a never ending tune No sooner do the ants die             Then they are reborn                             I am running with my paintbrush  …Even though my dress is torn           I will find a way to get through this!      Heaven waits                                    As David sounds his horn 

Ink it out! 

  

Art speaks in limitless ways 

The way dancers flock to an open space 
The way brushstrokes externalize a buried rage 
The way a chef sprinkles rosemary and sage 
The way a writer grips to the connection of a page 
Or a stick
Grounded dirt or sand
I once wrote with my fingernail on the shakiness of my panicked palm
Bathroom stalls and park benches 
Sometimes lipstick and a mirror appear heaven gifted 
When my daughter died I scribbled inside my head 
The litter of leftover thoughts
Still murmur like a distant rattling of mamas mixing pots 
Beyond a perfect line, circle or square 
Is my stream of penmanship 
Combating the woo of normalness
I do my best work under the duress of craziness
I wrote on a notepad in a bathtub in a hotel room
They said my brother was dying 
And I didn’t know what the fuck else to do
Punch a nurse or doctor?
The postman of premortem…
My tips ink it out harder 
Sometimes I dance and scream 
Shredding down the walls of my brain
Griefs found me like a ravaging bloodhound
Inside, all is not safe and sound 
But I smile and wave and nod
I am a mother and a lover 
I am a human spirit 
I share grief with the infinity of others
“Let’s talk and sit around in a circle”
but sometimes I spin out!
My Shape… is nameless
A pale face bound by a galaxy of freckles 
The overlapping and intersecting lines
The willpower of a lioness
There are no instructions for madness!
So I use the benefit of pen and paper
To be understood by myself 
and none other.



 

Revolutionary 



Seven steps toward the sun 

Seven inches will reach the end  
Seven seconds..
Is when I let go and run 
Too foreign is the face of the reflection 
The haunt of 
“Is this what I really want”
Screaming like an old song
Or a familiar scent
I want to be like a reed in the water
Broken from robotic commitment 
The yes and no’s of behavior 
The falsetto of mediocre 
Shatter me into the wild 
Carve me out and into a sculpture 
I will break it apart
And sprint even further 
From the table you’ve set for my future
Don’t you see?
I will never live there
Today is already the sleeping tomorrow 
And I am young in the water
What you have predestined 
Is not for me
Don’t you see?
You don’t even know who I am
I am no longer your child 
I am a revolutionary woman
Without a mother 
Without a father 


The Untold I

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The untold
Sneaks through the rift
Piercing my bones
Some days, sleeping stagnant
And undetermined
Like a windless river
Inside the crevice of my heart
But today
It rages, frenzied like a bull
The untold
Pounds against the locked doors of my soul
Biting its daggers into my pulse
Buried and untold
Piled and packed tight
The routine smile
While the untold cries
And hides
In desolate corners
And forbidden places
Plagued by the essence
Of being ashamed
So muted and untold
Is how
I Remain