My Scattered Heart 

Do you ever wonder 


About the pieces we give away
Trusting hearts
Vulnerability misplaced
The precious parts
We hand over like
Trading cards
For a temporary love
I think of mine
Inside dresser drawers
and back pockets
Of…wrinkled trousers
Tone deaf caskets
Scattered with my brothers ashes
The crusted corner of
A once unassuming smile
A handshake, a pinkie promise
A hopeful wish
We made together
Only to hear it crumble
My heart is scattered
With a forgotten child
And ancient lovers
Buried in a sandbox on Fredrick street
…that time capsule
Remember?
I feel the pressure
The beating twice as hard
Of the scars 
That once held parts
And maybe I am not whole
But I am a growing seed
Planted throughout the world
And I wasn’t always right
To give it away
But I took the gamble
And there are these sweet moments
Where I won
Like a radiant flower
Linked up with the sun
Is she any less capable
Without each one of her petals? 

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The Beauty in the Break

 

My broken heart

No longer fears the collision of your sword

For you have forced

the rise of mountains

For you have formed

the depth and curves of roads

Designing a personalized compass

Guiding me home 

 
 
 

Moths 

 
Guess I need to get a grip
Guess I need to be harder
Tough like a rock
No storm shall wither 
Straighten up and fly right
Little sister

…All these lies I told myself 
Under the wool of a petticoat
With lace up boots 
and a velvet bow
But the material scratched…
right into my sensitive soul
Revealing the innocence of a naked girl
…With no excuses left for truth
Smiles skip by, unhinged in twos
I don’t need a reminder of 
how deep I miss you…
I watch my feet move 
Attached to another body
I can not feel my heart 
It floats in a transparent jar         
Titled “random art”
The school year has started 
The children dissect it
Unable to revive her                         …they retire exhausted
Make me a project
Alone on a park bench
The coat has blown away 
All that is left
….just me…


  

Ink it out! 

  

Art speaks in limitless ways 

The way dancers flock to an open space 
The way brushstrokes externalize a buried rage 
The way a chef sprinkles rosemary and sage 
The way a writer grips to the connection of a page 
Or a stick
Grounded dirt or sand
I once wrote with my fingernail on the shakiness of my panicked palm
Bathroom stalls and park benches 
Sometimes lipstick and a mirror appear heaven gifted 
When my daughter died I scribbled inside my head 
The litter of leftover thoughts
Still murmur like a distant rattling of mamas mixing pots 
Beyond a perfect line, circle or square 
Is my stream of penmanship 
Combating the woo of normalness
I do my best work under the duress of craziness
I wrote on a notepad in a bathtub in a hotel room
They said my brother was dying 
And I didn’t know what the fuck else to do
Punch a nurse or doctor?
The postman of premortem…
My tips ink it out harder 
Sometimes I dance and scream 
Shredding down the walls of my brain
Griefs found me like a ravaging bloodhound
Inside, all is not safe and sound 
But I smile and wave and nod
I am a mother and a lover 
I am a human spirit 
I share grief with the infinity of others
“Let’s talk and sit around in a circle”
but sometimes I spin out!
My Shape… is nameless
A pale face bound by a galaxy of freckles 
The overlapping and intersecting lines
The willpower of a lioness
There are no instructions for madness!
So I use the benefit of pen and paper
To be understood by myself 
and none other.



 

Revolutionary 



Seven steps toward the sun 

Seven inches will reach the end  
Seven seconds..
Is when I let go and run 
Too foreign is the face of the reflection 
The haunt of 
“Is this what I really want”
Screaming like an old song
Or a familiar scent
I want to be like a reed in the water
Broken from robotic commitment 
The yes and no’s of behavior 
The falsetto of mediocre 
Shatter me into the wild 
Carve me out and into a sculpture 
I will break it apart
And sprint even further 
From the table you’ve set for my future
Don’t you see?
I will never live there
Today is already the sleeping tomorrow 
And I am young in the water
What you have predestined 
Is not for me
Don’t you see?
You don’t even know who I am
I am no longer your child 
I am a revolutionary woman
Without a mother 
Without a father 


Transparent, Me



I’ve missed you terribly

Like when Jesus left Mary 
Her heart released and carried 
Away
How long ago were we split 
From one to two
I’ve searched in crowded rooms
I’ve written the ink out of all my pens
I’ve prayed, begged, and wished on stars
The ones that burned into my soul
In that ever gaping hole
I’ve caught and killed butterflies 
I’ve bled and died alone 
I’ve been frozen and I’ve been stoned 
I’ve left lovers and led blind men
I lost children and wailed for you then
I was put in the hands of cruelty
And abandon when they tired of me
I handed myself up and over 
My heart clutched in the teeth 
Of an eagle
Searching to find you 
At last the garnet was delivered 
And I felt a jolt of life 
My twin soul
I am moved beyond control
And my heart weeps
Baptized in belief 
I love you 
Reborn and recycled 
I’ve played all my roles 
I walk into my final lifetime 
A last surrender 
To fill your soul with mine 
So we can leave behind our parts
To drown in the destiny 
Of a completed heart

Numb,darling…Numb

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I am so numb
From how you’ve used my heart as a pin cushion
Digging down and pushing in
Telling me your sewing
Promising your fixing
Then why am I bleeding?
-“Oh darling, it’s all in your head you silly thing”
Your charismatic distraction
Enforcing my gaze of attraction
As you sneak the daggers, slicing in
Kidnapping my feathers
And leaving me lurching in pain
Why do I feel this way?
-“Oh darling, it’s just stress, now here can you take my full plate”
My face is aging
The circles under my eyes are raising
Who is this woman in the mirror
I see her, she is staring…
It’s not me
It cannot be
But…I was beautiful and free
From behind my reflection you say
-“Oh darling, have you been smoking again? I can tell just by the lines on your face”
Notes and roses piled up at my door
My heart is confused, exhausted and sore
Making love then labeling me a whore
My hearts been beat so bad
I can’t feel it anymore
I’m not happy
I cannot cry
I do not feel the anger when you offer me a lie
-“Oh darling, darling it’s all in your mind. I love you so much and everything is fine”
Hands dropping all of your plates
I can no longer hold the swelling weight
-“oh darling, why aren’t you eating”
So damn nervous of your shifting emotions
The eggshells have lacerated my feet
I can no longer tip toe around you and your manic needs
All the while my bleeding is being ignored
Your dressing Continue reading “Numb,darling…Numb”

Slices of a Souldier- the heart

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You escort my heart out
From under me
Massaging and loving
Persuading and wooing
Charming and convincing
Subtlety turning
Toward cowardly convictions
Flatlining the beat you set in motion
Placing it on the pavement
While you disappear
Just for a minute…
Dear…
Seasons pass then reappear
My heart long succumbed
To your dead cold air
Another burnt strand of hair
Another scratch against the mirror
Lest you uncover your ear
Detecting my heart alive and vulnerable
These are the wounds
That etch me into a souldier