The grief

Sorrows Flight

by Souldiergirl

I am naked and skin

Dissolving into the cracks

That lead me back

To a tiny casket

A love turned black

I begin to lose sleep

Just like back then

An ever haunting fear

It will happen

Again

Then…I breathe

I have no control

Pretending I do

Has worn me thin

I look at my youngest

Joyful to the fullest

Her magical essence

Shifts my perspective

She transforms

The pain in our faces

For I still have

Three precious angels

Though they may be

Flying

In different spaces

My Wild Angel

by Souldiergirl

  

I am listening to all of our 

old jams

…thinking of you

Beastie Boys and 

Smashing Pumpkins 

Time does not fly 

…it is dangling on the edge of our bedroom window 

Watching us when we were kids 

Eddie Vedder and white tees 

And rebels just wanna have fun 

…so we did 

Now all my heart does is playback our memories 

Converse and coffee 

Hooked on the repeat

Smoke from your cigarette butts

Drawing a mirror 

around my face

Where you would always grin 

and say 

“Everything will be ok”

Even with the odds trimming the life from your face 

Honestly, without you here 

That hole in my gut, reappeared 

So be my wild angel 

And I will be your little rebel

Be my wild angel

Hold me and whisper…

Anything 

Scream our songs through the wind

Hit me with the beats like a best friend 

I love you and there is no end

Be my wild angel

Lead me into heaven

…So we can be kids again 

  

 


Ain’t no Sunshine…

by Souldiergirl

  Today my smile 

Was held in place 

By the frame of a mental corset 

Begging to come undone 

Working without thinking 

For my mind was off twisting 

In memories reoccurring 


And oh when I finally came home!

Ripping the corset 

Like a dog uncovering old bones 

The remains of a smile 

Broken in a twirling puddle 

This is how mama misses 

…her baby girl 

  
Eight years ago this week I lost my sunshine. I miss her so much. ❤️

Grief 

by Souldiergirl

  
My grief is knotted up in my stomach…

Pressing and swelling 

Kicking and burning 
Constantly reminding 

My grief is tangled in my head

Aching and spinning 

Pretending you are not dead 

Constantly pounding 

My grief is sticking in my throat

Memories will never go

Tears that burn to be known

Regurgitating and swallowing

Constantly haunting 

My grief is in my eyes 

Swollen and lifeless

Closed with no brightness

Constantly clouding

My grief is in my entire being

Sore and exhausted 

Empty and devastated 

Constantly reaching 

My grief is black and blue

Bruised and broken without you 

My grief is red and dark

Life is dull with no sparks

My grief is white 

A colorless life

Limping toward tomorrow 

Thinking maybe you will be there 

Or I will be 

There 

My grief is a sea of seven stages 

Constantly flowing