I am your Music Box 

Inspired by Eric and Chrissy, this is a vocal piece. Please click on the link below to hear this piece in my own words ❤️

  
https://audioboom.com/boos/3684252-i-am-your-music-

  
I am your music box…

I am your music box 

And my heart is your ballerina 

Spinning in the direction of your light

Twirling in the presence of your love 

With my arms above my head 

Reaching high for you 

Chin up 

To the sky 

I am your music box 

And you…are the reason why 

My heart is your ballerina 

Dancing to the sunshine of your orchestra 

Do not you know 

I was once in the dark?

But your love has opened 

my soul 

And moved the ballerina 

Inside my heart 

  

I celebrate my tears 

  
I celebrate my tears

For the little girl who was put in the corner

With the hypnotic sway of the pointing finger 

“Don’t you dare cry” 

Over and over

…like a lullaby 

I celebrate my tears 

For the years of pushing them down

To a dungeon I forgot about

Because

“Tears are a sign of weakness”

So I smiled harder and forced them into secret 

I celebrate my tears 

Because when my baby died

Everyone was allowed to lose their minds 

Except me 

I was positioned to remain 

“Nice and neat”

And keep tears hidden 

In between the sheets

When he is passed out asleep

In the shower for hours screaming

As long as no one was home 

…to listen 

I celebrate my tears because the

Chains are being broken 

And my tears are the ones seeking their freedom!

They run down my cheeks 

In an overzealous reaction 

They stream out proudly!

My tears are speaking loudly 

In pure love and acceptance 

Not the misnomer of weakness 

I celebrate my tears

In all their beautiful radiance 

because…

My tears, unleash the story 

…of my spirit!

I celebrate my tears  

  

Rise with Life 

  
My heart nervously beating 

As my eyes match the new horizon

He left in a shocking way

With not even a shadow to trace 

The sky opens her eyes to change 

Asking me to do the same 

Oh but I miss the hands to hold! 

And the stories that laugh as they unfold 

I feel misunderstood 

By the king of understanding 

…it is no fun to feel that way

But I rebuke confusion in these coming days 

I will grow with the bougainvillea 

Wrapping their vines tight to feel ya 

Spreading my hands like Eagles

Above his memory adorned with flowers 

The sky says, daughter it is time 

To rise despite…

and

Fall in love 

…with this unhinged life 

  

 

Her Name…Determination

***Thank you Megan 

I want to be a flapper

A symbol of celebration
Dancing in the face of discrimination
Whistle and toot my way into freedom
Among the feast of governing isolation
Change my name 
Change my destination
Opportunity runs in the opposite way of the oncoming 
invasion
set my sights and continue to 
raise them
My eyes embrace a culture devoid of opposition
A deflating rigid system
Baptized into the ocean of 
born again
Frolicking with you into the sun 
Where good times stick like honey
…to a happiness that never ends 
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Mariposa

My heart has ruptured all over this page

My eyes are opened to a future
…rearranged
The week after next
I will perform on their stage
To free pent up emotions
To spring a heart from her cage
I dance to a rhythm that continues to change
I bite down on wisdom that precedes me in age 
The hammer was struck with the words you onced waged
And my soul has been tattered with nails from that day
I will remove each splinter and be numb to the pain
I will cleanse the hurt with oils and sage
I will powder my nose and pretty this face
I will be shy, I will be brave
I will release Mariposa
…from the flocks of their gaze.

Grief 

  
My grief is knotted up in my stomach…

Pressing and swelling 

Kicking and burning 
Constantly reminding 

My grief is tangled in my head

Aching and spinning 

Pretending you are not dead 

Constantly pounding 

My grief is sticking in my throat

Memories will never go

Tears that burn to be known

Regurgitating and swallowing

Constantly haunting 

My grief is in my eyes 

Swollen and lifeless

Closed with no brightness

Constantly clouding

My grief is in my entire being

Sore and exhausted 

Empty and devastated 

Constantly reaching 

My grief is black and blue

Bruised and broken without you 

My grief is red and dark

Life is dull with no sparks

My grief is white 

A colorless life

Limping toward tomorrow 

Thinking maybe you will be there 

Or I will be 

There 

My grief is a sea of seven stages 

Constantly flowing 

  

  

The Beauty in the Break

 

My broken heart

No longer fears the collision of your sword

For you have forced

the rise of mountains

For you have formed

the depth and curves of roads

Designing a personalized compass

Guiding me home 

 
 
 

Fragility of Yesterday

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*This post might be hard for some to read if you have lost a little one*

This may not be very poetic but it is on my heart and needs to come out, so I am sharing- In the middle of watching a silly clip on you tube,in which the people decided to play a prank, a prank where a woman was pretending to die and the man was on the line with 911, who was walking him through the steps of administering CPR.  Of course the silliness was lost on me and in that instant my heart began to race and my body got hot-I wanted to scream but I just turned over, lying down and letting the pure pain fluster around my body and soul-like a wicked fast hummingbird trapped inside a cage-unable to fly and lose herself against the sky.

In the flicker of the CPR clip my mind had a flashback-and that is the rawness of a flashback-it really is one’s body zapping into another time frame.  I was suddenly standing over my daughters little body, on the phone with the 911 operator who was walking me through how to administer CPR to a baby. I kept yelling at her “It’s not working-she’s not breathing!!” Like the movies false hope I expected her to automatically start breathing again-but that did not happen. I cannot talk too much about it, years later it still literally rips me up inside.  I just really miss her today,I miss her so much. That flashback stopped me in my tracks, moving me  through the fiery faces of the stars and placed my feet above the small beautiful body of my precious baby girl-trying to bring her back to life, still not comprehending that she has gone…

Fragility of Yesterday

My memories come with a price

So I freeze them

My brain is my bartender and I am sayin’

“Put that one on ice”-

Unable to revel in the sweet times

I am frozen, with a fragile heart

and broken bones

Screaming above my daughter

In a flashback

of yesterdays mother

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Sunday Love 

  
 The bang on the drum 

Calls sisters and brothers to

Gather as one 

Vibrations under the feet of children 

Beckons an innocence of movement 

And for too long 

I believed I was not worth any of this 

To be loved 

Was a pipe dream of strangeness 

Yet somehow friends have peeked 

From distant mountains 

Taking my hand to say 

…Sweet sister,

Nothing

…Is impossible! 

  
*Top picture is my sweet son and this piece is based on performing at 2015 World Music Fest. I’ve been so embraced with love. Thank you