Biting Down 

 I’m finding it hard to concentrate 

Thoughts speaking without raising their hands
Raising their voices 
Without being called on
Problems scribbled on the blackboard of my heart 
Lacking a solution for their missing parts
Attempts to steady my shaking hands 
Replacing God where there was once man
I try to sit alone and quiet down
A smile traced on my face 
…They all think she is ok
What if life behaved in an opposite way?
Where we just spoke the truth 
Of how we really were on any given day 
I would say, 
…I am biting down with weak teeth 
I am spitting out these words just to stop the nervous tweaks 
I am holding it all in 
I am under the water, freezing my breath
…becoming the hustler of life’s test
Shadowboxing the unrest 
The hive is loose 
And it is I they seem to choose 
Their stings prick and bleed 
But I bat them off 
With unwavering belief 
I’m fighting being defined a failure 
With scarred fists and a worn out tee shirt 
With the cliche missing 
And my poetry clinging 
Ink down my chest 
Bleeding from my heart 
Rendered into art
To heal myself 
I am tired and I am run down 
Yet there is magic in the forlorn 
I am telling you my real 
I am choking on how it feels
I am the result of what has spilled
…like oil out of a bottle 
I wear the stains of past tomorrow’s 
Yet I still live with two hands up on this roller coaster 
And that would be my truest answer 
If we lived in a world 
Where when we reply with how we are 
” yeah I’m ok”
…was not the standard

Advertisements

My Scattered Heart 

Do you ever wonder 


About the pieces we give away
Trusting hearts
Vulnerability misplaced
The precious parts
We hand over like
Trading cards
For a temporary love
I think of mine
Inside dresser drawers
and back pockets
Of…wrinkled trousers
Tone deaf caskets
Scattered with my brothers ashes
The crusted corner of
A once unassuming smile
A handshake, a pinkie promise
A hopeful wish
We made together
Only to hear it crumble
My heart is scattered
With a forgotten child
And ancient lovers
Buried in a sandbox on Fredrick street
…that time capsule
Remember?
I feel the pressure
The beating twice as hard
Of the scars 
That once held parts
And maybe I am not whole
But I am a growing seed
Planted throughout the world
And I wasn’t always right
To give it away
But I took the gamble
And there are these sweet moments
Where I won
Like a radiant flower
Linked up with the sun
Is she any less capable
Without each one of her petals? 

Peace from Pieces 

​I would really like a piece 


of your peace
That you carry with you everyday
Over your shoulder, in the ease of your smile
My burdens turn steps into miles
While you turn stones into water
Just give it over, give it over
…You say
To hold it does not serve you
…You say
As you dance above the fray
Adding hours to an elusive day
Sunshine upon a sunken face
My tear drops turn into storms
While you make roses from thorns
I would really like a piece
of your peace
Just give it over, give it over
…You say
As a weight is lifted from my shoulders
And I slowly melt into to the falling waters
While you make peace from pieces
Taking the heaviness from your daughter
Turning sorrow into laughter 

* thank you my WordPress family, for welcoming me back with such love and kindness. Each one of you is a treasure to me. Love love love!!

My Wild Angel

  

I am listening to all of our 

old jams

…thinking of you

Beastie Boys and 

Smashing Pumpkins 

Time does not fly 

…it is dangling on the edge of our bedroom window 

Watching us when we were kids 

Eddie Vedder and white tees 

And rebels just wanna have fun 

…so we did 

Now all my heart does is playback our memories 

Converse and coffee 

Hooked on the repeat

Smoke from your cigarette butts

Drawing a mirror 

around my face

Where you would always grin 

and say 

“Everything will be ok”

Even with the odds trimming the life from your face 

Honestly, without you here 

That hole in my gut, reappeared 

So be my wild angel 

And I will be your little rebel

Be my wild angel

Hold me and whisper…

Anything 

Scream our songs through the wind

Hit me with the beats like a best friend 

I love you and there is no end

Be my wild angel

Lead me into heaven

…So we can be kids again 

  

 


The Voice in my Box

  

For many years 

debilitating thoughts 

made a home in my mind

No room at the inn, door locked 

…confined 

I smiled in silence 

To an oblivious room 

All the while

My throat screaming 

For all the bad memories 

All the unfair nights

All the damn hurt!

the effects 

…and the cause 

Life played out and my lips 

….Obediently paused 

Until 

The drink of belief 

Made her way 

From my mouth to my feet 

Like a waking alien 

I have found my home again 

And all that was shrunken inside 

Lost the urgency to cling and hide 

Rising in hope

Yes this freedom speaks

Oh honey…

This freedom sings!

She flys on flames atop of wings

And the music is sweeter than ever 

My voice, my speakers

Reign out 

Bleeding a glorious color

Onto white corners 

of my 

…Newly born feathers. 

  

 

 




Once Upon Our Time

  

My life is a story 

A peeling layer of liquid poetry

As the breadcrumbs 

fall behind me

Each time I grow

Is 

Each time you know 

There is more of me to follow 

I’ll be Gretel  

How about it Hansel?

Our words are building a foundation

For the most courageous castle 

One who has seen 

And felt 

Been on her knees 

When all she could do 

…Was crawl 

Now she stands 

With you and me 

Abducting a long forgotten glee

And it doesn’t make sense

But love seldom does 

Once upon our time 

Breadcrumbs and fairytale rust 

Take my story 

Not just to read 

…Yours, to be touched. 

  

Struck 

  

I look as I walk by 

You smile back

Walking ahead 

As our souls scream out 

Frantically reaching hands 

The same eternal longing 

Throughout 

…five thousand lifetimes 

Pulling at us 

To please

…give in 

How deep is this ocean of feeling 

we have set our hearts in 

Yet here we are 

…Pacing the shore again 

Pretending with nods and smiles 

While inside 

The thunderstorm of connection 

has knocked all the power out 

Maybe no one would notice 

…if I reach for you in the dark 

  

Ain’t no Sunshine…

  Today my smile 

Was held in place 

By the frame of a mental corset 

Begging to come undone 

Working without thinking 

For my mind was off twisting 

In memories reoccurring 


And oh when I finally came home!

Ripping the corset 

Like a dog uncovering old bones 

The remains of a smile 

Broken in a twirling puddle 

This is how mama misses 

…her baby girl 

  
Eight years ago this week I lost my sunshine. I miss her so much. ❤️

 Slivers

I love you and I don’t know why

With all this grief

My heart keeps tight

…a sliver of light

And I think…

If I keep this slender sliver on repeat

…I will be alright


I love you and I don’t know why

I remember when you first

walked down the street

into my soul

I remember it all

The warm sliver of a ray of hope


I love you and I don’t know why

…all you needed was a sliver to get inside

To be, to watch, to pray 

I think if I keep this slender sliver on replay

maybe, just maybe

…I will be ok

 


*thank you for helping me through this hard time- love you all* 

Giving healing a Name

My heart is mending today

My eyes, rest behind glasses
…taking their place

My lips swollen from attempting to make sense

of something

…that can never be named

or understood

And that

…is ok

I tugged my heart out and laid it at your feet

…showing you what I need

You shook your head and walked away

God’s whispering to follow this lead

“Please take my stubborn soul and guide me”

…I plead!

Kneeling until I could feel my bones

Carving creations into the pavement

I stood and saw

A butterfly with a halo

…a sign of love from my angel daughter

A dragon with his claws out

…a transferred protection, my brothers mark

An auburn wolf with eyes like mine

…a reflection of my inner courage 

Decorating me like a glittering thesis

The bowtie completing her writing

The endless essay of my life and timing

Words trail me like the train of a wedding dress

Lifting me to redemption from the mess

As the grey erases 

…in the sunshine of significance

I see I am not alone in this!

And you are all standing with me

Smiling

in a circle of opened hands

Releasing

a fluttering wild soul

We are giving healing a name, 

…Freedom