Biting Down 

 I’m finding it hard to concentrate 

Thoughts speaking without raising their hands
Raising their voices 
Without being called on
Problems scribbled on the blackboard of my heart 
Lacking a solution for their missing parts
Attempts to steady my shaking hands 
Replacing God where there was once man
I try to sit alone and quiet down
A smile traced on my face 
…They all think she is ok
What if life behaved in an opposite way?
Where we just spoke the truth 
Of how we really were on any given day 
I would say, 
…I am biting down with weak teeth 
I am spitting out these words just to stop the nervous tweaks 
I am holding it all in 
I am under the water, freezing my breath
…becoming the hustler of life’s test
Shadowboxing the unrest 
The hive is loose 
And it is I they seem to choose 
Their stings prick and bleed 
But I bat them off 
With unwavering belief 
I’m fighting being defined a failure 
With scarred fists and a worn out tee shirt 
With the cliche missing 
And my poetry clinging 
Ink down my chest 
Bleeding from my heart 
Rendered into art
To heal myself 
I am tired and I am run down 
Yet there is magic in the forlorn 
I am telling you my real 
I am choking on how it feels
I am the result of what has spilled
…like oil out of a bottle 
I wear the stains of past tomorrow’s 
Yet I still live with two hands up on this roller coaster 
And that would be my truest answer 
If we lived in a world 
Where when we reply with how we are 
” yeah I’m ok”
…was not the standard

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Ancestral Sage


This morning I woke

In an ancestral cage

Passed down and cleansed with grandmothers

White sage

A glowing freedom

A warrior’s song

All the victors have fallen for

And all we have overcome

I swung back and forth

Allowing the tears to come

Grief takes up chapters in our story

As does the peace, awakening and love

Yet today I chant a tear note melody

The wailing of a mother’s fractured heart remedy

I do not feel beautiful

My soul is bowed in a pale shaded woe

And I will rock in this cage

Until grandmothers spirit whispers

…go


Wake Me 

  Broken apologies 
From all the times life used 

“I’m sorry”

Worn out whiskey bottles 

From hands clutching glass

To sink the rising sorrows

The window seat 

..where hope and my soul meet 

Now submerged from the pointed finger 

“Not today little girl”

Yeah ok..

Well I am pretty tired of this 

…teasing burial of my dreams

So I’m gonna make like a fairytale 

And sleep underground

Wake me with that kiss

When heartbeats sync with bliss 

 

In the Heart of my Night 

  

This has been 

…a spirit stretched day

And now that it is through

Wish I could pull up a simple chair

To sit and talk with you

It has been gravely long 

Since our parallel souls sang a song 

We tally each blessing

Deciphering right from wrong

The nights fall short and the days are shy 

The silence we adorn 

Flies on the backs of hurricanes in the  cries of a storm 

If I could cradle the eye of the blow 

And ride it to you

You could balance my weeping

In a harmony of two

  

The dark of night 

What can I do…
What can I do in this

 …unnerving stillness

The darkness settles over me

Like a mask I hide my face inside it

To howl and weep! 

And I’m not sure where heaven is

Or if they’ve gotten wind of this

The sensitive prick …of a beautiful flower

The prolonged passing …of another hour 

Daylight comes and stings my eyes

Shinning a proof

…I have made it through 

What else can I do? 

 Craddling each breath 

Until the night I receive my gift 

And wake up with you

  

Awake 

  

It’s one in the morning

The train is whistling by

A wicker chair and a 

…lonely porch 

 With flickering lights and     

 …cigarette smoke 

 I’m talkin to God again 

 One more barter 

 One last try 

Beggin for a miracle 

 To get it right
A consistently inconsistent life
Burning feet digging in dirt 

The layer of a melted sun

Swings absent to a placid world 

The melancholiac moon

The eerie time and placement

The fickle fingers 

Compromising my decisions

To leave me broke again

When the ace landed in my hand
I surrendered a once in a lifetime dance 

But the wind is thick

Kicking up dust and rubble behind it

A broken sliver of shattered diamonds

I never know what God is doing

Still, I beg for answers

To be hard as a rock

And not feel the shock of indecision

The pale blue sequence of malicious dreams

Teasing and haunting me

With a love that could set me free

I climbed the mountain top

Only to see 

Endless miles of volcanoes 

Scattered with praying claws 

and a wedding ring

It’s one in the morning 

 I am wide awake 
  

Penniless Joy 

  

A distracted world
lay on its back 
Tickled by a materialistic god
…and I am empty inside
 Hoisting up a fading smile                                        I shop to own the priceless
True wealth rumored to be free 
I have been working tirelessly
…Is this what my life is to be?
Decaying for another mans goal
Spending all my time                           …in the rearview of our front porch 

The hours tick by
Like a slow melting ice
…begging for sun
I am frozen in this cubicle 
Away from my loves 
To give them a life
But what about playing on an impulse?
And rising beyond looming icicles 
…That I could die hung over this keyboard                                                
Still dreaming of a life with you
Grieving the seconds I never said your name! 

I should rise up, and be my own sun!  Unthaw a buried intuition                      Take your hand to sketch my change       An invaluable recognition…                        Dying for joy,                                        and daring to live the stories                         That make up the glorious lines            …in the earths face 

 

 

Heart Strokes 

  

This piece was directly inspired after reading “not here to impress” by photographer and poet Jay. Please give him a looksee :)) 

~Heart Strokes~ 

“I wear my heart on my sleeve”

…someone once said

And millions have echoed

Me though…

I wear my heart right here

Wounds at the tips of my fingers 

Nails painted 

In a flesh toned manicure

Of grief and loss and love and dreams

The sleeve is too far up it seems

Easily camouflaged 

Like my shoes on the street 

Ripping the shirt into pieces of its birth 

With hands to open a throat of words 

…I breathe and sit and swallow it down 

My heart is what makes my fingertips pound

Click click clack

From my vintage typewriter to this new age device 

I keep my heart in my hands 

Bleeding…as I write 

  

Who I AM! 

  

I am me

Shaken and broken 

With the strength of a tree

And the body of a flower

Whose petals have fallen

In a “blow the man down”

…type of manner. 

My mind is an attic of cobweb strings 

From years of trying to be their perfect “thing”

Believing they may like me

And I would finally be enough!

If I molded so purposefully 

Into their “with restrictions” kind of love…

But you see…

And listen please 

I became a porcelain doll so elegant and clean

Yet never, no not once…

Were they proud of me!

My friends, it was still not enough

Because an acceptance without abundance 

Is no form of love 

And the lines through my face        glued and replaced 

…Oh from the many many nights the doll did break! 

…Was too ugly for many who shunned without grace 

And then…

My body like a stem

Bare, with no protection 

Felt the realist love 

As God touched me from His heavens 

In my mind, spun and confused 

In my heart, tender and bruised 

In my being, sewn from the tragedy of truth

He believes I am beautiful!

I even heard him whisper…

“Daughter, just be yourself”

Hi, I am a mess… 

I am no more and certainly no less

But I am free

From the convictions of all the “whomevers” they wanted me to be…

The doll has been shattered to the doom of the well

To release a timid me 

In all my unruly mystery

He shouted as I bowed,

“My daughter you are lovely and 

I am ever….

So proud!”

  

Unattended 

  

 
Upon these cotton blankets
My head falls
Tired and wasted
I smell you like you never left
A hundred sentences
Composed from one breath 
The flicker of a memory 
A single droplet
Composed from one symphony
A sadness washes over me
Unattended now
Hushing echoes of my soliloquy