Reality Wednesday 

by Souldiergirl

I hate being hurt by others. No matter how many times it happens, it still hits like it were the first…

When I give my all and it is not enough 

When sadness smokes an insult 

I am overlaid in its puff 

When a promise is betrayed 

I know you let my secret run wild 

My soul burns 

In a tear kindled fire 

My reality…

My heart is not taken seriously 

Again pushed into a corner 

Just my Savior and me 

  

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83 thoughts on “Reality Wednesday ”

      1. I try to be kind, honest and fill the world around me with love and positivity. There’s enough hatred and mistrust in the world today, if we can spread joy then it helps those around us. My world used to be full of doubt, negativity and pain so in order to escape I used to disappear inside me. If I never return to those deep dark recesses it will be too soon.

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      2. Wow Dave-would you ever mind sharing with me how you overcame the darknesss? You are such a kind soul and you share that with so many of us here. Thank you

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      3. I was lucky, and I know how lucky, to have the support network I’ve got. I will share more in a post when I can, possibly this weekend. I have also found a job I love doing but will be moved to a new role at the beginning of September which is giving me anxiety attacks at the moment. The current role has me working as part of a team of 3, the others are on the other side of the country so I work from home as often as possible. That won’t be an option afterwards, the team is quite large and I will have to work from the office. 😫

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  4. It is hared to experience the same hurt over and over. It may hurt as if it was always the first time but because it isn’t it weighs even more. Unitl the moment when it gets to heavy and we have to drop the weight… at least a bit.

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      1. I know how much it means to get the right words at the perfect moment. I am happy that I provided them for you today, dear Souldier Sister. Feel hugged and know that you are loved ❤

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    1. Yeah- you nailed that. It can be so painful to even revisit that so then it just remains- buried, until it comes up again. Atleast that is what I struggle with. Thank you so much for sharing

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  7. I just found your blog from a repost on Barclaydave. I am so sorry for your losses. Your soul is carrying such a heavy burden of sadness. I hope the following poem by the Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore will give your heart some healing, one day at a time.

    Bless this little heart, this white soul that has won 
the kiss of heaven for our earth.
She loves the light of the sun,
She has not learned to despise the dust, and to 
hanker after gold.
Clasp her to your heart and bless her.
She has come into this land of a hundred cross-
roads.
I know not how she chose you from the crowd,
came to your door, and grasped your hand to ask her
way.
She will follow you, laughing and talking, and not 
a doubt in her heart.
Keep her trust, lead her straight and bless her.
Lay your hand on her head, and pray that though 
the waves underneath grow threatening, yet the 
breath from above may come and fill her sails and
 waft her to the haven of peace.
Forget her not in your hurry, let her come to
your heart and bless her.

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  8. It’s hard to love without expectations but even when our expectations are frustrated, it is better to love than not love. Better to be left in the corner alone with your Savior than out there hurting others and needing the Savior. To hurt others is human but to love hurtful humans is divine. You write beautiful poems that bring out the mother in me. I want to soothe these wounds.:0) I love your poetry but wish you didn’t have to hurt so much to write it…

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    1. Oh Pam. You have come like an angel to me. Yes I would rather be the one hurting than the one doing the hurting. I have struggled with the idea that it is better to love and have lost then to never have loved. I am sure I do believe that in my depths but with so much loss and hurt I wonder. Mostly I am tired and I really really want to be loved Pam- like a silly little girl I guess.
      Thank you so much for being here. You are so special to me. Thank you thank you.

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      1. That’s not silly. All good people want to love and be loved. It’s when we get tricked into giving all of our love to those who want to use rather than love, that tips the balance of right-relationship. Sometimes, we have to pull away from people like that because they are black holes. Those of us who love can’t stop loving them even then but we have to choose to love them from afar, or else we might become like them. I know there is someone out there for you, who will love you in return. My first prayer was for God to send someone to love me and He did. My husband taught me the meaning of unconditional love. My prayer for you is that God will send that same kind of miracle to you.

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  10. I am sending you my hugs and care. I could relate to a lot of what you wrote here my friend… the fact that we felt pain, the fact that we get hurt means we are very much alive and truthful to our relationships. We are authentic beings that we feel sadness and pain in times of betrayal. But do they deserve our tears? Do they deserve our time? The person who caused you so much misery does not deserve your tears and your time. Love yourself enough to know when to get up. I do believe you have a beautiful heart, tough and strong. I know you will be able to surpass this trial. please be strong dear friend! Sending you lots of hugs 🙂 and tissue too to dry those tears. Take care dear friend!! It’s their loss not yours. ❤

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  11. After the evening I had, this was such a timely post for me to read this morning. I understand completely. Thank you for sharing and I hope that you’re okay?

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  12. Beautiful words my soul sister but also very sad, I can feel it under my skin “When I give my all and it is not enough. When sadness smokes an insult” I know how it feels it was a time I felt the same… “It will come the moment, that you will stand up strongly and walk out that dark tunnel and face the light, you would be trembling, but you will be stronger, the love you have inside will hold your hand, your beautiful soul will lead your way, your courage will bring you out and the Savior would be there to hold you always”…<3

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    1. Oh Carolina. Thank you. This is so beautiful- and what an image you have for me. I am going to hold it close and feel encouraged. I feel so blessed that I have found you and you are such a real and kind soul. Your sweetness just oozes out and I feel loved. Thank you for being here sister ❤️

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  13. The hardest part is taking the blow and turning it into a lesson, my love. The hurt lasts as long as we fail to learn the lesson. Fool me once . . .

    I love you ❤️

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    1. Oh honey! This made me cry. I can’t believe you did this for me?…you are so precious and truly authentic. It’s been a rough few days and then you shine in like a beautiful hope and hug. I can’t tell you how much this means to me Carolina. You make a difference- you soothe my spirit. Love you precious soul sister. ❤️

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  15. Betrayal is quite possibly the most bitter of all injustice. I can tell, that someone like you, takes a long time to build up the trust it takes to allow others to see vulnerable parts of you. We always keep the shield up in front because we never expect the blow to come from behind. I’d rather die than give up anything told to me in confidence. When someone tells a secret about themselves they give you a piece of them that is too heavy to carry alone…they want your help to bear that burden. By giving away some of our story that hurts…it helps to lessen the pain, even a little bit. I’m sorry someone has taken something so sacred and trampled it, Sisterheart.

    I hope you can be at peace with it soon. Love and Respect, Always.

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  16. I feel your pain. What comforts me now is that the more I am “exposed” by will or against my will- the real me shows. Many have left but the very few who stay I cherish all the more and hold my head high for who I am and who He makes and is making me to be. Incomparable beauty is with those of the Lord who are like gems, even with flaws, and they ie you shine brighter then the noonday it says. For your Savior is shining out from the depth of your heart and soul. Be encouraged for you are strong and priceless.

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  20. I know this feellng. Hurt never seems to go away. The pain can be lessened for a little while but when it happens again all the pain comes right back. Now it hurts twice as much. I have shut out people as a result of my past hurts. But I found out that the only person who felt that was me. Isolation and loneliness was the result and Its not a good place to be. Thank you again Souldiergirl for another great post. I can so relate to your writings.

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  21. It’s so tough when you just want to be heard, and the other isn’t open. So, so tough. I’ve been going through this recently. Makes me anxious and depressed.

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  24. Usually, in many situation, I can still endure the pain. But there are days when it really stabs you badly and that is when you know you cannot take control over your tears. It just flow out and you hate the feeling being defeated by it. But I guess, it is okay to cry from time to time. Just have to learn to let go bit by bit … It will heals eventually. *HUG*

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      1. Know that you are love too, dear!
        We give strength to each other in times when darkness fall – good friends sometimes is a stranger from afar – and with a big heart, yes? 🙂

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  25. Oh gosh I know this feeling! I have to say I’m right here too! It’s been on going in all facets of my life! I’m so ready for it to stop. I need a respite! Just a little break! I’m taking one today here on your blog! I love this! So I’m sending a hug and praying to God for both of us…God we surrender all this too! ❤

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    1. Amen! and urgg!!! I am so sorry to hear you are going through this too. Yes-we need a break, we need good vibes and real love! Maybe thats why we were drawn together at this time-to lift eachother up up up!! Up to the sun sweet sister! You are so lovely and worthy of true friendship and love. Lets keep strong

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  26. Those “others”! 😦 Everybody knows how it feels to be hurt, but some are too selfish… Spend more time with those who care – even if it is not the same sort of relationship their positive vibes will strengthen you anyway. Your Savior cares the most – share your pain with him. He knows everything about you and he will guide you to the right place in your life :). Hugs!!!

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    1. Oh thank you so much for your words! You are so right-it feels much better to be around positive people. Its been a whirlwind lately of unexpected hurts, writing helps and there is so much love and support here-it brings me comfort. Thank you for being part of that comfort, I pray many blessings for you my sweet soul! I so appreciate your words :))

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      8. for what?> aint ya fault your fault is not playin twenty answers you got your life and your kids and your sorrow mebbe later on or tomorrow? lmao!

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