Awake 

by Souldiergirl

  

It’s one in the morning

The train is whistling by

A wicker chair and a 

…lonely porch 

 With flickering lights and     

 …cigarette smoke 

 I’m talkin to God again 

 One more barter 

 One last try 

Beggin for a miracle 

 To get it right
A consistently inconsistent life
Burning feet digging in dirt 

The layer of a melted sun

Swings absent to a placid world 

The melancholiac moon

The eerie time and placement

The fickle fingers 

Compromising my decisions

To leave me broke again

When the ace landed in my hand
I surrendered a once in a lifetime dance 

But the wind is thick

Kicking up dust and rubble behind it

A broken sliver of shattered diamonds

I never know what God is doing

Still, I beg for answers

To be hard as a rock

And not feel the shock of indecision

The pale blue sequence of malicious dreams

Teasing and haunting me

With a love that could set me free

I climbed the mountain top

Only to see 

Endless miles of volcanoes 

Scattered with praying claws 

and a wedding ring

It’s one in the morning 

 I am wide awake 
  

100 thoughts on “Awake ”

  7. what can i say ellen? i dont smoke . i got left if made me even more mental than i am now. so i m not a woman i did not stay married and dont even ask about my kids. you already have your answers.

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  9. “Beggin for a miracle
    To get it right
    A consistently inconsistent life
    Burning feet digging in dirt”… 💫✨🌟

    I tend to think that even if we are hopeless at times, we still believe. In other words, we remain fully awaken, as you say in your verses
    Epifanies might occur under current, mundane situations…
    I wanted to thank you for such a great poem… It is metaphysical, thick in levels of descriptions, places and situations…
    All my best wishes, Soldier Girl. Aquileana ⭐

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  11. Keep having those conversations, Beautiful Soul. Always keep demanding answers. Even if nothing comes. Never stop wanting to know why. I’m thankful that my job tires me out so much so that I have no choice but to sleep at night. I remember these unsleeping dreams when I was much younger. The heart seems to be some kind of nightflower that blooms wider open when the moon is up.

    Peace and confidence, SG. ❤

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    1. You’re amazing! “The heart seems to be some kind of nightflower that blooms wider open when the moon is up.” Always a poet and deep soul. I am so grateful for your presence and words here. Thank you Eric.

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      1. You are welcome, of course, SG. I Love you and your wonderful works. I find I don’t want to be done reading when I’ve read something of yours. I also find it difficult to leave our conversations here, no final response seems appropriate! So I guess you’ll just have to keep giving me things to read and comment on!

        I also wanted to tell you, at the beginning of this..when you mentioned the Train Whistle. That is such a comforting sound for me. When I was very young I used to sleep at my grandparents house quite often. It was a small, humble house…and I remember laying in bed, particularly in the summer and listening. They didn’t have central air conditioning so it was always very quiet in the house…no rattling blower motor going all night. They lived nearby a railroad yard, I remember listening to that sound on and off through the night. Even today as an Adult when I hear it, it makes me think of warm feelings.

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      2. Oh I love the idea of a continuing conversation and now you’ve given me motivation to keep writing and sharing. I moved here to start over from an unsafe situation. I left my hometown- which happens to be the ocean town as well. After my daughter died and during and after so many other hurtful experiences I would sit alone and stare at the endless ocean. Such a reliable escape of solace and healing. like a best friend that never left me. I grieved when I left it and came here- hot and dry- no ocean. I didn’t know what to do for an escape and I felt alone. Then I moved into an apartment and there it was- one night, sitting out on my porch writing in my journal- my house began to shake. Initially I thought- crap an earthquake. But- it was the beautiful and powerful movement of the train passing by. Whistling and moving me. I instantly fell in love. Now I close my eyes and embrace the passing train and sometimes imagine myself escaping with it- wherever it may go. Like the ocean leaving and returning to shore- my train is a reliable energy that always returns. :)) thank you for listening Eric. Hope that wasn’t too much. I really appreciate you sharing with me too and I am warmed as well thinking of the image you painted.

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      3. No, I don’t mind listening at all! of course it’s not too much!!

        Thank you for sharing that story with me. You are such a Brave Soul, very courageous to do what you did. I am not sure I would have the strength to leave New Orleans. It’s been my home for so long, whenever I’m away it get so homesick. And yes, I’m attached to water, myself. I’ve been surrounded by it my whole life…it’s even part of my career.

        I wish you many more Oceans of Strength and Trains of Comfort, SG.

        Love and Respect. ❤

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      4. Uhh!! You are such a natural poet. “Oceans of strength and trains of comfort” I will save that via screen shot straight to my soul. Thank you for listening and sharing- I appreciate you so so much.

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  14. If these words aren’t deep, I don’t know what words are. Wow! Incredible piece of writing, a Masterpiece that stands alone. Absolutely priceless, my friend. The way you are able to put down how you feel is such a Gift. May you BE Blessed, and may God answer your questions. He does, you know, in the oddest ways. (((HUGS))) Amy ❤

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    1. Amy! I love to hear from you. What huge compliments you give me here. My goodness, thank you so so much! You are such a pure,deep, genuinely beautiful soul to me. I cherish your visits and words. Thank you. You’re right he does answer in odd ways- I pray to be still and know when His answers come. I adore you!! Just have to say that. Huge hugs and love and gratitude to you too AmyRose. 💞💞💞

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      4. Oh gosh. It’s been overly hot here- which is kind of a scary thing since we are in the middle of a bad drought. Oh how the earth thirsts! For now I am trying to calm the storm within my soul and being the sun out. Thank you for being in this world Amy- you have a light that shines and I will always be grateful for that. 💞🌟

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    1. Thank you Syl. I’ve always talked to God, ever since I was young. I will be honest that I have been struggling lately wondering if he just doesn’t want to talk back anymore. Perhaps it’s a matter of “be still and know” I really am doing my best at that. I just don’t want to make anymore wrong decisions so I get frustrated. Does that make sense? Thanks for listening my friend 💖

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      1. Makes perfect sense. The fact that you don’t want to make any wrong decisions is a testimony of God working in you spiritually. It may not seem like it, but he is listening closely and not only to your words, but to what your heart and spirit is saying. It can be frustrating I know. Keep your eyes on Him as best as you can, and trust in His wisdom, love, and direction. Always here to listen, dear friend ♥

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      2. Gosh you are an example of the Lords realness and love. He brought me here to so many wonderful and genuine people. You are one of those people Syl. You heart is pure, your words are gentle and loving in a pure way. Thank you for being a voice for Him. Thank you for being an example and for being consistent, even though I am sure the journey isn’t always easy for you either, you carry yourself with grace and strength. Thank you.

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      3. You’re welcome my friend! I try give of what God gives to me unconditionally. We are all on a personal journey with the Lord and connects us at certain points with with ceetain people to walk with for support and for growth. Many genuine and beautiful souls here (yes, you are one of them) and I appreciate them all. I have my moments of tests and darkness, but God is there always in His perfect way. Thank you for sharing and for being there.

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    1. Thank you beautiful! Do you mind if I call you by your name here? I don’t think you do- but want to make sure. Lots of times when I fall into a sadness spell i sleep more than I should so I too really enjoy the nights where I feel creative and can let my expression flow. Nice to know my soul sister may be out there doing the same thing ;))

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      1. Of course you can call me by my name here everyone do it! 🙂 and yes I love the idea that sometimes we are outside gazing at the same time thank you for be my soul sister I really need it! 🙂

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      3. Yes I grow up in Italy, I am here from 2002 when I came here, I had to deal with many things unespected (will tell you more in a email) so having a soul sister here is precious… 🙂

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      4. That means so much to me. Wow so you just came here in 2002? I think we are not to far away from eachother either. Also I keep wanting to tell you I love your profile picture- you are breathtaking and that smile is radiant and contagious! It’s like a sunlight! I am grateful for you💖💖

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      5. Thank you so much! I am happy that my smile in my profile is radiant I love that photo too! It is one of my favorite because really express my inner soul and what I am…thank you soo much for your super kind words! ❤

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