I wish I could throw this gut reaction
Into a deadly contraption
Wish I could ignore all the closed doors
Somehow paint them white
And inside a reckless spirit hide
Wish I could leave responsibility behind
Wish I didn’t have to answer to their baby eyes
Patiently asking me why
Or what and how
I tell them the truth
Mostly I don’t know
But I am responsible
For these three lives
I have to be hard
I have to dig inside my forehead, so I don’t forget their scars
I grabbed them up on my ride
So when I was dropped they fell with me
Wondering if we died
Im not blissed and ignorant
My son knew when I closed my door and cried
His gentleness
I fully realize it
My actions have affected us
Facing death and loneliness
I’m a soldier again
My muscles work like a song
A source of power for them
Skill and discipline
My intuition a bullet proof shield
Never to be penetrated again
Souldier Girl 