Out of reach

I can’t believe you’re gone 

Trying to grasp it feels like 
I’m in a suspended state of suffocation
My heart is a frozen pond 
And death digs its blades into me
Wanting to break me this time 
and It has 
My grief is pouring over cities and states
the world peeks out windows of a submarine 
I’m all alone in your rocking chair 
Smoking cigarettes and following anything that resembles you
I can hear every crack in the night sky 
And it splits my heart at the same time 
I long to hear you 
I took it forgranted how you loved to talk 
And laugh for hours 
Sitting in your chair
Smoking your cigarettes 
You made me feel like I had ropes of worth
I cried my nights with happiness…
I feel like my throat is swollen and raw 
Inside my head is a masquerade ball
Discovering that nothing is as it seems
You understood. You were already there 
Now I get it, but it’s too late 
And i’m yelling at the sky 
And scribbling in a journal
But I only hear the sounds of silence
And I repeat and repeat it 
I’ve fallen ill and drunk off of it 
I’m still shaking in that room
When they told me to say goodbye to you
My tears are scalding lava
Burning my eyes with their constant departure 
Grief does not water 
Grief does not grow life
Grief shrivels hope on the inside 
I am parched in a rainstorm 
I am freezing underneath the sun 
If this grief can have but one design 
It will shrink me into the dust again
And grow me into a wildflower 
Then maybe I’d have a chance 
To see your smile 
As you gaze at the face of a gerber daisy
While you walk the rows of heaven. 

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